I miss home

We went back to Charlotte this weekend to have Caetlin's pictures made to commemorate her first birthday. We took my in-laws with us (they left this morning) and they got to be in a few of the pictures, which was nice. While we were there, we managed to see friends of ours with a three-month old daughter who is so incredibly cute- she has really bright eyes and is a busy baby already. Bruce also hung out with a buddy of his who is having a hard time, and I hung out with a girlfriend of mine who is having a hard time. We also drove by our old house (going to be sold next week- everyone hold your breath, say a prayer, knock on wood, keep your fingers crossed, and generally all-around wish us luck!) and determined that the lawn really did need to be mowed one last time, and drove by the "new" house, which looks as wonderful as I remember it.

I miss Charlotte. It felt like an old shoe to be there this weekend- comfortable. And- I hate to say it, and everyone here will kind of want to smack me- I miss my old job. I spent the weekend working on a bad assignment (fortunately not too time consuming) for a jerk boss (not resident in Atlanta), and I specifically said to Bruce, "I didn't come [to Atlanta] to do this crappy work for these awful people." I'm dissatisfied at work- the opportunities in my new job just haven't been exactly what I hoped, at least not yet, 4 months in. I still hold out hope that it can become what I hoped it would be when I interviewed. But I miss the excitement of my old job, the wonderful and interesting work I was given to do, the pace of it. I've spent the last two weeks essentially surfing the internet at work, since I have so little else to do. I'm BORED. And the work I'm getting is crappy boring diligence. I haven't been actively staffed on a deal where I might get to handle some of the documents in two months. Where I was in Charlotte, I was running my own deals. I miss it. It had its downsides, definitely- some of the people were not, shall we say, the nicest, and the pace was brutal, but some of the people are the most wonderful people I've ever met. It's a stupid grass-is-always-greener thing. There, I lived in extremes- extremely busy, but extremely interesting work, and with people who were either extremely fantastic or extremely awful. Here, I've settled for a steady pace and people who, so far, are very nice and...bland. I got a flat line instead of a rollercoaster, and I have to say, I should have been careful what I wished for.

But more than anything else, I'm lonely. The people, as noted, are bland, and I haven't made any real friends or even felt like I could click with anyone. I miss my friends in Charlotte so freaking bad. Driving by the "new" house, I remembered what a sense of community there was in the neighborhood, and saw my next door neighbors hanging out on their porch and I missed them so much. They were such good neighbors- willing to help and always up for a chat and interested in Caetlin. I had a budding friendship with my across-the-street neighbor that had to go away when we moved. I miss talking to my mom friends on a regular basis about raising toddlers. I miss seeing movies and going to dinners with other couples. I miss having couple friends a lot- we have at least 3 sets of great couple friends in Charlotte, and a couple more sets with whom we could be better friends with a little effort. I have so many wonderful friends there, and here I am so alone. I have Bruce. I have my sister, if I'm willing to drive 30 miles to her neck of the woods, which I frequently am, but it's too far to be really convenient.

Anyway, I'm lonely, and I want to go back to Charlotte to better work, more friends, and more of a life. I realize that the bigger city isn't worth it for me, when I was part of such a strong community back home. Charlotte became home for me so much more than I ever realized. But we're here, and we have to give it a go, and so I shall! I don't mean to be so down with this post. It was just...it was a nice weekend, is all.