Life in My House

Here's how life in my house went tonight as I got home from work (late).

First, upon arriving home, I received an email that made me have to retract an email with some numbers in it that I sent to the other lawyers in the deal because the numbers are not final. For like the third time today. I wanted to ask my client, "Hey, can you NOT make me look like a yahoo?" It doesn't help that it's about a tax issue. I DO NOT KNOW TAX. I should add that to the FAQ. I'm throwing around words like "basis" and "gain" like I know how to use them, but really I'm remembering them from my Federal Income Tax class. Which I took 7 years ago. Basically, Not My Problem. I'm not even competent to make it my problem.

Then, my nanny reminded me that she has a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, which she had told me about earlier in the week. Earlier in the week I had been so slow, I thought it would be no problem for me to stay home with Caetlin. Things have changed, and now I have work to do tomorrow morning. It can be done at home, but how much work do you really think I'll manage while she's awake?

We have a brainstorm- we'll ask our semi-regular teenage babysitter to help out! She doesn't have anything going on! The call is made; she has to check with her parents. The parents, probably predictably, say no. To babysitting at 9 a.m. Probably because she will have to drive in rush hour. She is 20 years old and a college graduate. (I know I said teenager, but she's only nearly a teenager, I guess. Also, it's how her parents treat her. As you can see.)

Crap. In the middle of this, we're playing with Caetlin in the den that holds most of her toys. Chester, being the jealous dog that he is, wants to get between Bruce and the baby. I'm your baby! he says with every wag of his tail. When Bruce won't let him, he promptly vomits his entire dinner in the middle of the floor. I've never been kissed off so clearly by a non-human in my life. Bruce played with Caetlin in the other room, while I had clean up duty (it was my turn to clean the nasty from Chester, since Bruce cleaned up last night's pee. Yeah, you know you want to come visit).

After cleaning the vomit (most of which Chester had helpfully eaten by that point), Bruce runs Caetlin's bath and I get her undressed. She's poopy. And also pissed that there is a bath that she is not in. She's wiggly, I get poop all over her and myself. She also won't kiss me when I'm holding her. Into the bath we go.

We bathe, she's fine. We take her out, she's fine. We start getting her into her sleeper, she's losing her shit. The toys, they are not good enough. We parents, are not good enough. Life, it isn't good enough. I hand her the blue bath toy, and that stops her wiggling long enough to get her into her pajamas.

I hand her over to daddy, and finally she gives me the kiss I want...after daddy and I have to kiss each other and then she thinks she's missing out on fun. Daddy, thankfully, puts her to bed.

He comes out a short while later, and I have decided on my order from the really good local Chinese place. I want lemon chicken with extra veggies that come with it- I assume broccoli or something. It doesn't come with veggies at all. I assume sauteed chicken; it's actually fried.

I shut up for the evening.

Clearly, being a walking, talking interactive member of my household is not a productive life strategy for me this evening, and I will communicate only via a complicated system of eye blinks. Except that might dry out my contacts.

Crap.