Petty and Stupid

It's late in the afternoon. The family and I have relocated to the mountains of north Georgia for the long weekend, and our first day away has...not gone well. We were awakened too early by our early bird baby, who herself was awake too early. She's in a several-days-long cycle of not getting enough sleep during the days, which makes her a cranky baby. She was fine this morning, though, and I had high hopes for the day. We got on the road pretty early, off to an easy hiking trail recommended by some web site or other as good for families with little kids.

When we got there, right away things were not going as I hoped they would. Somehow I envisioned the three of us tramping through the woods next to the small lake, walking steadily along, admiring the views. Somehow I forgot my daughter is 21 months old. She stops to look at everything. She wants leaves pulled off plants for her, and my inability to distinguish poison ivy makes me extra cautious about that. She wants to hold every stick on the trail, and a few that aren't on the trail. She wants to see butterflies, though there are none in the vicinity. She wants the cup we are carrying for her, but not to drink from it; she wants it so she can drum on it with a stick. Only it's too big for her to hold with one hand, so she keeps dropping it. I want to at least close it so the built-in straw doesn't get dirty, but oh no. She'll be having none of that.

Bruce finally picked her up and put her on his shoulders, which seemed to work okay except she kept dropping her cup. I pitched a stupid, hormonal fit about envisioning me carrying her on my back when she didn't want to walk; I have a barely used Ergo Baby carrier that I would like to start using more often. I left it at the car on this particular occasion, though, which makes it hard for me to use it. Bruce, ever patient with me and my crankiness, suggested we head back to the car and take a different trail, since the one we were on was clearly not the level, family friendly one we had come for anyway.

We got the carrier and got her into it, and then headed down to the lake, where it turns out the trail is defunct. We found the remnants of it, but it isn't maintained and has downed trees over it. Also, the picnic area for this Forest Service recreation area was pretty trashed; lots of garbage everywhere, and a couple of picnic tables have inexplicably been thrown into the lake. It would have been a lovely spot, if not for the "_________ sucks cock" graffiti that was only two days old on the remaining picnic table and the empty Countrytime lemonade two-liter and Red Bull cans littering the ground. (UPDATE: It seems that the Forest Service has closed the campground and apparently does not maintain the area any longer, despite that the trail remains listed in the online trail guide to the Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forest.)

We let Caetlin run around, believing we were letting her tire herself out, and then headed off to the grocery store and back to the cabin. After a big lunch, we thought she would be ready for a nice long nap. I was ready for a nap too, once she went down.

Which she proceeded not to do for the next three hours. Bruce changed three poopy diapers. He finally got up with her and took her to run around the downstairs while I tried to sleep, but she kept crying and waking me up. Right when I got up, Bruce was taking her upstairs to give the nap one last try. And it worked, with most of the afternoon pissed away. She's been asleep for two and a half hours, the weather has been gorgeous, and we've been stuck here. Bruce is snoozing next to me; I'm irrevocably awake at this point. Grumble.

I'm grumpy about other things too: work isn't my favorite place right now, as I ever watch other associates get better projects and more work than I, for reasons that have never been explained to me. I'm growing tired of Weight Watchers, and feeling seriously deprived lately. I know, I know- just eat some of what I want and move on- it probably won't matter. But it will matter; it will stop me from losing weight as quickly as I want to. I remain not pregnant (another grumble, but more like a small worry- it hasn't been that long since we've started trying, but it's been longer than it took with Caetlin, and I'm irrationally worried that something is wrong), and so long as I'm not pregnant, I want to be thin! But I also want to eat Taco Bell and Ben & Jerry's and McDonald's fries. And cheese- I miss cheese. And wine and beer and sandwiches with mayo and steaks and Krispy Kreme donuts and pasta that isn't whole wheat. And pizza. And cookies. I'm tired of cooking for myself too- it's a lot of work, and it seems unfair to ask Bruce to cook for me if he won't be eating it with me. Parenting Caetlin is ever more of a challenge, as she really begins to attempt to assert her independence.

So, grumble. I think I do one of these posts every so often where I catalogue what's wrong with my life, and it always kind of comes out petty and stupid. Sorry about that. Higher hopes for tomorrow.