[UPDATE, 5:30 p.m.- We're home. They let us go around 1 this afternoon, and after dropping off her prescriptions, we came straight home to major relief on all our parts and a couple of psycho lonely kitties. Caetlin, who remains exhausted because of the complete lack of routine and always-interrupted sleep, played for maybe an hour and then we put her down for a nap. She seemed so grateful to be in her own bed, she fell asleep almost immediately. I have somehow managed to stay awake-ish all afternoon; I'm trying to make it to a reasonable bedtime, but I am struggling. I hope I can get the good night's sleep I need so badly tonight.
My doctor's appointment this morning was sort of inconclusive. I do not apparently have pre-eclampsia; the protein in my urine was a result of me not eating enough that day. My pressure is still high, though, and I'm to go back on Monday for a re-check. My doctor suggests that our treatment course be that he see me twice a week, and if my pressure holds steady or goes down, great, but if it keeps trending up, he'll order me to bed.
Also, in good news, he confirmed that Segunda has turned head down, so that at least is off my plate. I really would love to be able to have labor start spontaneously, but even if I have to be induced as a result of my blood pressure, at least I can presumably deliver the usual way and won't necessarily need surgery. So that's good.
We are all so grateful to be home. This week has been so surreal. Thanks to all for your kind wishes and comments and prayers. They have meant a lot.]
So, Caetlin's labs showed enough improvement today, and they are sending us home. I can't tell you how grateful I am to be going home. No more IV, no more horrid non-schedule, no more saving diapers to have them weighed. Normal hygiene. My own bed where it's actually mostly dark and no one comes in eleventy hundred times a night.
But most of all what I am grateful for is that Caetlin is well, and can go home and run and play like she wants to. I have to offer my sincere thanks to everyone who treated her at Scottish Rite Hospital. Everyone was wonderful.
In other news, I'm off to the doctor again this morning. I'm still a complete wreck, so I have no idea what they are going to recommend or how they will deal with me. Fingers crossed I at least get the weekend to try to rest up before they send me to bedrest.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Caetlin Improves! Film at Eleven
Well, the labs drawn yesterday were not as good as the doctors would have liked, but she herself is improving tremendously. Her fever has been gone for more than 24 hours, and she's starting to be much more energetic, like her old self. We had to get her out of the room yesterday, as she was going completely stir crazy, so we walked her around the halls of the unit and into the playroom on this floor, one of us maneuvering the blasted IV pole around behind her. She understands that she needs to slow down and be mindful of the cord, but she forgets sometimes and it is exhausting trying to keep her untangled.
She's not as well as she thinks she is, though, because it was easy to see her getting tired out fairly quickly. That didn't stop her, of course, but we can really see the toll the illness and the lack of sleep and disrupted routine has taken on her.
Anyway, they drew more blood this morning to confirm that the lab numbers are going down appropriately, which they hadn't as of yesterday. They know from their tests that this bug is susceptible to the antibiotics they are giving her, so it is just a matter of time before her bloodwork starts to improve. They won't discharge Caetlin until certain values have gone below particular levels, which could possibly mean going home today, but most likely means tomorrow or even Friday, depending on how tenacious the infection.
She had a pretty good day yesterday except for being bored. The highlight was probably the couple of hours that she got to spend without her IV last night. The old one had worked loose and so they had to start a new one, and they wanted to wait for a particular person with lots of experience. And let me say, Miss Becky at Scottish Rite, you are a miracle worker. It was the least amount of tears for any procedure, except possibly for the ones that they do when she's sound asleep, much less one that involves needles. The really cruddy part, though, is the new IV is in her hand, which is strapped to a padded board, which means she is essentially one-handed until the IV comes out. Poor baby.
The hours of freedom were awesome, though! She ran and ran and ran. We got to give her a bath, which she desperately needed, as she was becoming quite funky at that point. I also got to change her sheets, which were also in dire straits. It did my heart good to see her so much like her old self as she played and ran and said hello to everyone we passed.
In other, not-so-positive news, I went back to the doctor yesterday as well, and my blood pressure hasn't gone down (shocker!). The really discouraging part is that there was also protein in my urine, which is the main diagnostic symptom of preeclampsia. This is a serious condition that will almost certainly result in immediate bedrest, if not hospitalization, for the remainder of my pregnancy, if it turns out I have it. However, there is a better-than-average chance that the protein was a false positive, since I'm basically a physical wreck at this point. I haven't slept more than a couple of hours in a row since Sunday morning, I'm not eating enough, I know I'm dehydrated, partly because I forget to drink my water in this environment and partly because of the stomach bug that I have a touch of. And I do have a mild case, thank goodness- I'm not barfing up all my food; only a couple of times at night have I felt the call of the porcelain god. The real danger is out the other end, where all the water I'm consuming, plus a good amount of the nutrients from my food, are making a premature exit.
Anyway, they drew some blood yesterday and will have results today, so I may be going back to the doctor today or tomorrow as well. The one other positive bit of news is that my blood pressure came right down with about 10 minutes of quiet time in the doctor's office, so that suggests it is not a chronic condition and with proper management (assuming no preeclampsia), I can remain out of bed. Let's hope that is where we end up.
She's not as well as she thinks she is, though, because it was easy to see her getting tired out fairly quickly. That didn't stop her, of course, but we can really see the toll the illness and the lack of sleep and disrupted routine has taken on her.
Anyway, they drew more blood this morning to confirm that the lab numbers are going down appropriately, which they hadn't as of yesterday. They know from their tests that this bug is susceptible to the antibiotics they are giving her, so it is just a matter of time before her bloodwork starts to improve. They won't discharge Caetlin until certain values have gone below particular levels, which could possibly mean going home today, but most likely means tomorrow or even Friday, depending on how tenacious the infection.
She had a pretty good day yesterday except for being bored. The highlight was probably the couple of hours that she got to spend without her IV last night. The old one had worked loose and so they had to start a new one, and they wanted to wait for a particular person with lots of experience. And let me say, Miss Becky at Scottish Rite, you are a miracle worker. It was the least amount of tears for any procedure, except possibly for the ones that they do when she's sound asleep, much less one that involves needles. The really cruddy part, though, is the new IV is in her hand, which is strapped to a padded board, which means she is essentially one-handed until the IV comes out. Poor baby.
The hours of freedom were awesome, though! She ran and ran and ran. We got to give her a bath, which she desperately needed, as she was becoming quite funky at that point. I also got to change her sheets, which were also in dire straits. It did my heart good to see her so much like her old self as she played and ran and said hello to everyone we passed.
In other, not-so-positive news, I went back to the doctor yesterday as well, and my blood pressure hasn't gone down (shocker!). The really discouraging part is that there was also protein in my urine, which is the main diagnostic symptom of preeclampsia. This is a serious condition that will almost certainly result in immediate bedrest, if not hospitalization, for the remainder of my pregnancy, if it turns out I have it. However, there is a better-than-average chance that the protein was a false positive, since I'm basically a physical wreck at this point. I haven't slept more than a couple of hours in a row since Sunday morning, I'm not eating enough, I know I'm dehydrated, partly because I forget to drink my water in this environment and partly because of the stomach bug that I have a touch of. And I do have a mild case, thank goodness- I'm not barfing up all my food; only a couple of times at night have I felt the call of the porcelain god. The real danger is out the other end, where all the water I'm consuming, plus a good amount of the nutrients from my food, are making a premature exit.
Anyway, they drew some blood yesterday and will have results today, so I may be going back to the doctor today or tomorrow as well. The one other positive bit of news is that my blood pressure came right down with about 10 minutes of quiet time in the doctor's office, so that suggests it is not a chronic condition and with proper management (assuming no preeclampsia), I can remain out of bed. Let's hope that is where we end up.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Current Update
Well, the good news is that Caetlin did not have to have a CT scan in connection with her seizures. The neurologist did an EEG, which showed some expected lingering effects of her having had seizures, but nothing that would indicate that she would have seizures except in connection with a fever, which is really great news. They gave us a prescription for a diazepam suppository, which we're to have on hand in the event that she ever has a long lasting seizure or a second seizure, as was the case here, to prevent a seizure cluster. That's pretty uncommon with febrile seizures, so let's hope she doesn't continue to defy the odds and have another cluster anytime soon...or ever. The neurologist seemed to suspect that she might, though, since she still has a couple of years before we can expect her to grow out of the seizures.
The other good news is that they have mostly figured out what is wrong with her. It was a UTI that had spread to her kidneys, and possibly to her blood as well- they are doing labs to confirm that this morning. Even if it hasn't spread, it's still a pretty nasty infection. Fortunately, they have her on a good and effective antibiotic, and it looks to knock it out fairly quickly. "Fairly quickly" unfortunately still means that she will be in the hospital for at least 3 more days, possibly more like 5 if the disease doesn't respond quickly.
Life in the hospital kind of sucks, especially on the sleep front. Caetlin has no kind of schedule, so she was awake until almost midnight tonight, and they are going to come draw blood at around 5 a.m. I hope she can go back to sleep after that, though I am not optimistic. [UPDATE: she completely shocked me by going back to sleep immediately. Woo-hoo!] She's also feeling better enough that, though she is clearly not 100% (query how much of that is because she just can't get any sleep?), she is super bored, tired of sitting in bed, tired of TV. We're going to try some long walks today to wear her out a bit.
We also saw the infectious disease specialist, who spoke to us about her infection and how much it had spread, and he suggested we follow up with the urologist, which I had already planned to do. This is her first (and if I can help it, only) breakthrough infection, since she's been taking the prophylactic antibiotic, but the fact that she's had one, more or less regardless of the severity, would seem to tip the scales toward going ahead and having the corrective surgery for her urinary reflux. The question now is when; obviously not until she is fully recovered from this illness, but then when? Before Segunda? After? My preference would be for before, but that may not be possible. I would then prefer it to be a couple of months after Segunda, if possible, but I guess we'll just have to see.
So that's where we are. More updates as we receive news.
In other minor news, I appear to have the stomach flu, or at least some intestinal bug. Yippee.
The other good news is that they have mostly figured out what is wrong with her. It was a UTI that had spread to her kidneys, and possibly to her blood as well- they are doing labs to confirm that this morning. Even if it hasn't spread, it's still a pretty nasty infection. Fortunately, they have her on a good and effective antibiotic, and it looks to knock it out fairly quickly. "Fairly quickly" unfortunately still means that she will be in the hospital for at least 3 more days, possibly more like 5 if the disease doesn't respond quickly.
Life in the hospital kind of sucks, especially on the sleep front. Caetlin has no kind of schedule, so she was awake until almost midnight tonight, and they are going to come draw blood at around 5 a.m. I hope she can go back to sleep after that, though I am not optimistic. [UPDATE: she completely shocked me by going back to sleep immediately. Woo-hoo!] She's also feeling better enough that, though she is clearly not 100% (query how much of that is because she just can't get any sleep?), she is super bored, tired of sitting in bed, tired of TV. We're going to try some long walks today to wear her out a bit.
We also saw the infectious disease specialist, who spoke to us about her infection and how much it had spread, and he suggested we follow up with the urologist, which I had already planned to do. This is her first (and if I can help it, only) breakthrough infection, since she's been taking the prophylactic antibiotic, but the fact that she's had one, more or less regardless of the severity, would seem to tip the scales toward going ahead and having the corrective surgery for her urinary reflux. The question now is when; obviously not until she is fully recovered from this illness, but then when? Before Segunda? After? My preference would be for before, but that may not be possible. I would then prefer it to be a couple of months after Segunda, if possible, but I guess we'll just have to see.
So that's where we are. More updates as we receive news.
In other minor news, I appear to have the stomach flu, or at least some intestinal bug. Yippee.
Monday, January 26, 2009
New Caetlin Update
We didn't get moved to a regular room until sometime around 4:30 a.m. or so, which is so far the only complaint I have about Scottish Rite. That meant I was dozing in the uncomfortable chair and Bruce was snoring on the floor until then. Caetlin actually slept really well until it was time to move upstairs.
When they moved us upstairs to a significantly more comfortable room, they took Caetlin's vitals and we tried for a good hour plus to get her back to sleep. First, she hates the pulse oximeter on her toe, and kept trying to take it off, which meant the alarm kept going off. Then, just as we got her calmed somewhat and maybe thinking about sleep, the nurse came in with her first dose of IV antibiotics, which are apparently uncomfortable when they are injected, because Caetlin started screaming and crying. Then we actually got her almost all the way asleep, but she had something that was given more gradually (I think- I was really starting to fall asleep at this point) and when it finished its dose, that pump alarm started going off too.
It is so true that hospitals are terrible places to rest, even though now that she's asleep, she's pretty much stayed asleep through the shift change vitals and the tech coming in to ask us if we need linens.
On her medical condition, not much has changed except that her fever broke in the night sometime and is normal this morning. Yay! I am hopeful that she will be interested in eating and drinking this morning, because she didn't have much at all yesterday.
So, to recap what's been going on and what we expect to happen in the next couple of days: she has a UTI. They aren't sure which bug is causing the infection, though they have a probable guess, and if their guess is correct, it's a slightly unusual bug to cause a UTI and is resistant to oral antibiotics. They have started her on 2 different IV antibiotics, and when the culture finishes growing, which should be today, they can be definitive regarding the proper medicine to give to kill the thing. Because of her urinary reflux, they really want to stay ahead of the bug, since she is so much more susceptible to kidney infection.
While she is here, the number of seizures she had this weekend have worried the neurologist, who had initially recommended an EEG on an outpatient basis, but since the third seizure last night now wants to look at a CT of her head. I expect we will see the neurologist sometime today and get more details on what the concern is (other than the fact that she had three seizures in 36 hours) and the proposed course of diagnosis.
I think we will be left to follow up with the urologist on our own when we get out of here, which we will do with all deliberate speed. It is time to take care of this reflux problem before she has any more infections.
Anyway, that's where we are, without having seen any doctor since maybe 3 a.m. I will post more as we know more, but it looks like we'll get out of here in a day or two, depending on how the infection responds to the antibiotics.
I actually have work to do; thank goodness for hospital wireless. I'm also exhausted, and we'll just say that spending the night on various chairs and, for a couple of hours, a hard fold-out sofa, does not seem conducive to resting and getting my blood pressure down. Hopefully when I see her tomorrow, my doc will give me a do-over based on extraordinary circumstances before putting me on bedrest.
When they moved us upstairs to a significantly more comfortable room, they took Caetlin's vitals and we tried for a good hour plus to get her back to sleep. First, she hates the pulse oximeter on her toe, and kept trying to take it off, which meant the alarm kept going off. Then, just as we got her calmed somewhat and maybe thinking about sleep, the nurse came in with her first dose of IV antibiotics, which are apparently uncomfortable when they are injected, because Caetlin started screaming and crying. Then we actually got her almost all the way asleep, but she had something that was given more gradually (I think- I was really starting to fall asleep at this point) and when it finished its dose, that pump alarm started going off too.
It is so true that hospitals are terrible places to rest, even though now that she's asleep, she's pretty much stayed asleep through the shift change vitals and the tech coming in to ask us if we need linens.
On her medical condition, not much has changed except that her fever broke in the night sometime and is normal this morning. Yay! I am hopeful that she will be interested in eating and drinking this morning, because she didn't have much at all yesterday.
So, to recap what's been going on and what we expect to happen in the next couple of days: she has a UTI. They aren't sure which bug is causing the infection, though they have a probable guess, and if their guess is correct, it's a slightly unusual bug to cause a UTI and is resistant to oral antibiotics. They have started her on 2 different IV antibiotics, and when the culture finishes growing, which should be today, they can be definitive regarding the proper medicine to give to kill the thing. Because of her urinary reflux, they really want to stay ahead of the bug, since she is so much more susceptible to kidney infection.
While she is here, the number of seizures she had this weekend have worried the neurologist, who had initially recommended an EEG on an outpatient basis, but since the third seizure last night now wants to look at a CT of her head. I expect we will see the neurologist sometime today and get more details on what the concern is (other than the fact that she had three seizures in 36 hours) and the proposed course of diagnosis.
I think we will be left to follow up with the urologist on our own when we get out of here, which we will do with all deliberate speed. It is time to take care of this reflux problem before she has any more infections.
Anyway, that's where we are, without having seen any doctor since maybe 3 a.m. I will post more as we know more, but it looks like we'll get out of here in a day or two, depending on how the infection responds to the antibiotics.
I actually have work to do; thank goodness for hospital wireless. I'm also exhausted, and we'll just say that spending the night on various chairs and, for a couple of hours, a hard fold-out sofa, does not seem conducive to resting and getting my blood pressure down. Hopefully when I see her tomorrow, my doc will give me a do-over based on extraordinary circumstances before putting me on bedrest.
Caetlin Update
I'm posting this from my Blackberry; we're in the hospital again, and it looks like they will be admitting Caetlin, at least overnight. Her urine culture is growing something, and though the lab is not entirely clear what, the doctor is afraid that it is a bug that is resistant to most oral antibiotics, and so wants to admit her to make sure she gets the IV antibiotics she will likely need. Also, while we were here, she just had her third seizure in 36 hours, so we will be seeing a neurologist in the coming days, just to make sure there isn't anything more than febrile seizures going on. We will also see her urologist regarding her urinary reflux; since she has a UTI now, the prophylactic antibiotics are clearly not working, so we'll likely need to go ahead and have the surgery to fix it.
Anyway, that's all we have for now. Caetlin is sleeping comfortably, after having yet another dose of Motrin. We're still in the ER for now but I expect they will move us upstairs to a room shortly.
More news as events develop.
Anyway, that's all we have for now. Caetlin is sleeping comfortably, after having yet another dose of Motrin. We're still in the ER for now but I expect they will move us upstairs to a room shortly.
More news as events develop.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Maybe Life Wants Me on Bedrest
So, after yesterday's excitement, I think I'll be generally staying in bed most of the day today.
Wait, I guess a lot has happened since I posted yesterday afternoon. Yesterday when I posted, I was getting ready to meet Bruce and Caetlin out for lunch at the local Chik-Fil-A, which is newly remodeled and has an indoor playground. I was going to go into the office at that point (you'll notice none of this is exactly close to bed rest) and then maybe go have my nails done. Caetlin was going home to take her nap, and if all went well, I would get home right as she woke up.
At Chik-Fil-A, Bruce and I kind of discussed that Caetlin seemed a little under the weather, a little not herself, and while I was there, she seemed to get more and more out of it. We dosed her with Tylenol there in the restaurant, as she felt a little warm, and Bruce ended up taking her home early.
I had only been at work maybe 30 minutes when Bruce called me. "She's had a seizure," he said. "The paramedics are on their way." I told him I would be right there, and they were on their way heading out the door when I got home, ready to ride to the hospital. Caetlin attached herself to me when I got there, having apparently just thrown up much of her lunch.
Most reading here will know that we've had these kind of issues before. Caetlin has a history of febrile seizures, brought on by a quickly spiking fever, lasting a very short time and doing no neurological damage. So we're kind of used to this, and I even sort of expected that we might not go to the hospital this time, but the vomiting sealed the deal. So I hopped into the ambulance with her, the paramedic strapped me onto the gurney with Caetlin falling asleep in my arms, and away we went.
A few hours later and a dose of Zofran for the nausea and Motrin for the (now 103.5 degree) fever, and we were on our way. They took a urine sample to rule out a UTI as the underlying cause of the fever, but it was clear under the microscope. They will culture it, but all of us expect that Caetlin has a pretty virulent strain of the stomach bug that is going around. (The urine sample sucked, as the nurse had to try three times to catheterize the poor baby. Even though the cath is tiny, it was really, really unpleasant for Caetlin, who spent the evening screaming and holding her crotch whenever she urinated.)
Anyway, we know the drill- alternate Tylenol and Motrin every three hours. With the hospital Motrin in her, she seemed like a different child, running and talking and playing around the house completely normally. We gave her a pretty bland dinner of bananas and Jello and put her to bed early, since she was sick and had no nap.
She fell asleep easily, and rested comfortably for awhile. But after a few hours she was breathing a little huffily, a little bit like panting, in her sleep. She didn't sound congested, exactly- more like she just didn't feel well. We dosed her with Motrin, and all of us slept badly until about 2 a.m., when we gave her Tylenol again. At about 2:45, Bruce was watching her on the monitor and said to me, "She's having another seizure."
I got dressed and told him, "We're going to the hospital." He asked me if we should call 911, and I said I thought we could get her there faster ourselves. We packed a few things in the diaper bag and took off down the highway. Caetlin was in her post-seizure passed-out phase, which to me is almost scarier than the seizure itself.
So, 12 hours later we found ourselves in the same ER, in the very same room, as a matter of fact. They took her temperature and gave her Motrin, and we waited long enough to see the doctor that it had kicked in by then and she almost didn't even look sick when she was seen. She was talking, awake, laughing and smiling, cooperative, everything. We were sent home with the exact same discharge instructions, after the exact same drugs and examination results. I had been hoping for something else to do to control her fever, besides just the Tylenol and Motrin, but the doctor said anti-seizure medication isn't really called for here, and that was about all he could do. We asked if we should even bring her in if she has another seizure, and the nurse said to call the emergency department directly. 9 times out of 10 they will say to come in, but we might be number 10, if by some horrible chance she has a third one over the next few hours.
She has never had two with the same illness. That's new.
Anyway, we're all at home, I'm about to pass out, and Caetlin appears to be resting comfortably for the time being. She's due for Tylenol at 7 a.m., but hopefully she will sleep through it. The Tylenol seems to be doing nothing for the fever anyway.
To top it all off, carrying her around this afternoon meant I strained some of the muscles in my groin, and so I'm walking around like an old lady, groaning when I have to get into bed or try to turn over. I forgot the pain when it was time to get her to the hospital the second time, but it's back now with a vengeance.
I still have work to do today. This has not been an ideal way to get my blood pressure down, I must say.
Anyway, must sleep now.
Wait, I guess a lot has happened since I posted yesterday afternoon. Yesterday when I posted, I was getting ready to meet Bruce and Caetlin out for lunch at the local Chik-Fil-A, which is newly remodeled and has an indoor playground. I was going to go into the office at that point (you'll notice none of this is exactly close to bed rest) and then maybe go have my nails done. Caetlin was going home to take her nap, and if all went well, I would get home right as she woke up.
At Chik-Fil-A, Bruce and I kind of discussed that Caetlin seemed a little under the weather, a little not herself, and while I was there, she seemed to get more and more out of it. We dosed her with Tylenol there in the restaurant, as she felt a little warm, and Bruce ended up taking her home early.
I had only been at work maybe 30 minutes when Bruce called me. "She's had a seizure," he said. "The paramedics are on their way." I told him I would be right there, and they were on their way heading out the door when I got home, ready to ride to the hospital. Caetlin attached herself to me when I got there, having apparently just thrown up much of her lunch.
Most reading here will know that we've had these kind of issues before. Caetlin has a history of febrile seizures, brought on by a quickly spiking fever, lasting a very short time and doing no neurological damage. So we're kind of used to this, and I even sort of expected that we might not go to the hospital this time, but the vomiting sealed the deal. So I hopped into the ambulance with her, the paramedic strapped me onto the gurney with Caetlin falling asleep in my arms, and away we went.
A few hours later and a dose of Zofran for the nausea and Motrin for the (now 103.5 degree) fever, and we were on our way. They took a urine sample to rule out a UTI as the underlying cause of the fever, but it was clear under the microscope. They will culture it, but all of us expect that Caetlin has a pretty virulent strain of the stomach bug that is going around. (The urine sample sucked, as the nurse had to try three times to catheterize the poor baby. Even though the cath is tiny, it was really, really unpleasant for Caetlin, who spent the evening screaming and holding her crotch whenever she urinated.)
Anyway, we know the drill- alternate Tylenol and Motrin every three hours. With the hospital Motrin in her, she seemed like a different child, running and talking and playing around the house completely normally. We gave her a pretty bland dinner of bananas and Jello and put her to bed early, since she was sick and had no nap.
She fell asleep easily, and rested comfortably for awhile. But after a few hours she was breathing a little huffily, a little bit like panting, in her sleep. She didn't sound congested, exactly- more like she just didn't feel well. We dosed her with Motrin, and all of us slept badly until about 2 a.m., when we gave her Tylenol again. At about 2:45, Bruce was watching her on the monitor and said to me, "She's having another seizure."
I got dressed and told him, "We're going to the hospital." He asked me if we should call 911, and I said I thought we could get her there faster ourselves. We packed a few things in the diaper bag and took off down the highway. Caetlin was in her post-seizure passed-out phase, which to me is almost scarier than the seizure itself.
So, 12 hours later we found ourselves in the same ER, in the very same room, as a matter of fact. They took her temperature and gave her Motrin, and we waited long enough to see the doctor that it had kicked in by then and she almost didn't even look sick when she was seen. She was talking, awake, laughing and smiling, cooperative, everything. We were sent home with the exact same discharge instructions, after the exact same drugs and examination results. I had been hoping for something else to do to control her fever, besides just the Tylenol and Motrin, but the doctor said anti-seizure medication isn't really called for here, and that was about all he could do. We asked if we should even bring her in if she has another seizure, and the nurse said to call the emergency department directly. 9 times out of 10 they will say to come in, but we might be number 10, if by some horrible chance she has a third one over the next few hours.
She has never had two with the same illness. That's new.
Anyway, we're all at home, I'm about to pass out, and Caetlin appears to be resting comfortably for the time being. She's due for Tylenol at 7 a.m., but hopefully she will sleep through it. The Tylenol seems to be doing nothing for the fever anyway.
To top it all off, carrying her around this afternoon meant I strained some of the muscles in my groin, and so I'm walking around like an old lady, groaning when I have to get into bed or try to turn over. I forgot the pain when it was time to get her to the hospital the second time, but it's back now with a vengeance.
I still have work to do today. This has not been an ideal way to get my blood pressure down, I must say.
Anyway, must sleep now.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
34 Weeks
So, I went back to the doctor yesterday for my 34 week checkup, and things weren't all positive. Near the end of my pregnancy with Caetlin, I suffered from pregnancy-induced high blood pressure. Not pre-ecclampsia, thank goodness, but just plain old high blood pressure. The blood pressure is what required induced labor with Caetlin; at 5 days before my due date, they were like, let's just get this show on the road and the baby in the world.
Now, though, it's too early to deliver Segunda. While the pressure went down to an acceptable level after about 20 minutes lying quietly, suggesting that the condition is very mild, I can't exactly order my life around lying quietly all the time, so I'm not sure if or how it will progress. The doctor suggested I stop working, but that would be a third of my leave wasted before Segunda gets here, so I won't be stopping work until my doctor orders bed rest.
Unfortunately, that could happen as early as Tuesday, which is when I go back. If my pressure remains elevated at that time, they could order bed rest for me. Which I sincerely don't want.
I'm supposed to be taking it easy this weekend, but of course over the last week I've actually gotten busy with work, and I'm thrilled about it- it's good work, with people I've been begging to work with for the last almost 2 years. Unfortunately, it's all on a very short deadline, which means I'm headed into the office this afternoon. I don't want to blow this shot I have to really cultivate some good relationships. The timing really could not be worse.
The news wasn't all bad, though- the doctor said he thought Segunda was head down, and though that's not 100% certain without an ultrasound, I'll take it. At least that may mean I won't have to have a C-section after all, which I really, really want to avoid.
And, finally, to add insult to injury, I have these huge disgusting zits all over my chin. I'm 32 years old- that just seems like too much to bear. Even in the service of growing a Segunda. *sigh*
Anyway, I'll post more after my appointment on Tuesday. Wish me luck and relaxation!
Now, though, it's too early to deliver Segunda. While the pressure went down to an acceptable level after about 20 minutes lying quietly, suggesting that the condition is very mild, I can't exactly order my life around lying quietly all the time, so I'm not sure if or how it will progress. The doctor suggested I stop working, but that would be a third of my leave wasted before Segunda gets here, so I won't be stopping work until my doctor orders bed rest.
Unfortunately, that could happen as early as Tuesday, which is when I go back. If my pressure remains elevated at that time, they could order bed rest for me. Which I sincerely don't want.
I'm supposed to be taking it easy this weekend, but of course over the last week I've actually gotten busy with work, and I'm thrilled about it- it's good work, with people I've been begging to work with for the last almost 2 years. Unfortunately, it's all on a very short deadline, which means I'm headed into the office this afternoon. I don't want to blow this shot I have to really cultivate some good relationships. The timing really could not be worse.
The news wasn't all bad, though- the doctor said he thought Segunda was head down, and though that's not 100% certain without an ultrasound, I'll take it. At least that may mean I won't have to have a C-section after all, which I really, really want to avoid.
And, finally, to add insult to injury, I have these huge disgusting zits all over my chin. I'm 32 years old- that just seems like too much to bear. Even in the service of growing a Segunda. *sigh*
Anyway, I'll post more after my appointment on Tuesday. Wish me luck and relaxation!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself: I'm Chopped Liver, Nice to Meet You
It's fascinating how quickly children can deflate one's ego.
Tonight when we walked in from work, Caetlin came running to the door yelling, "Hi Daddy! Hi Daddy! Hi Daddy!" Not that unusual by itself- Bruce was through the door before I was, and Caetlin has been very Daddy-centric lately. Usually I get second billing, though, in the shouted greetings from the under-3 set. Tonight, however, Caetlin's next observation was, "It's dark outside. It's dark outside," as she looked out of the open door to the deepening twilight.
I stood there in the foyer looking at her, waiting to be acknowledged. Caetlin ran into the living room away from me, and then the nanny's grandson decided to swirl around me and down the hall, so she wheeled around and followed him, doing her little toddler run that she uses to get anywhere. As she passed by where I was still standing in the foyer, without even looking at me and in her best flat teenager voice she said, "Hi."
I wish I could convey the complete nonchalance that was contained in that syllable; it was so clear that I was a total afterthought. The nanny, Bruce and I all burst out laughing.
Clearly minced organ meat is my fate tonight.
Tonight when we walked in from work, Caetlin came running to the door yelling, "Hi Daddy! Hi Daddy! Hi Daddy!" Not that unusual by itself- Bruce was through the door before I was, and Caetlin has been very Daddy-centric lately. Usually I get second billing, though, in the shouted greetings from the under-3 set. Tonight, however, Caetlin's next observation was, "It's dark outside. It's dark outside," as she looked out of the open door to the deepening twilight.
I stood there in the foyer looking at her, waiting to be acknowledged. Caetlin ran into the living room away from me, and then the nanny's grandson decided to swirl around me and down the hall, so she wheeled around and followed him, doing her little toddler run that she uses to get anywhere. As she passed by where I was still standing in the foyer, without even looking at me and in her best flat teenager voice she said, "Hi."
I wish I could convey the complete nonchalance that was contained in that syllable; it was so clear that I was a total afterthought. The nanny, Bruce and I all burst out laughing.
Clearly minced organ meat is my fate tonight.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Awwww
This afternoon Bruce and I are hanging out with Caetlin in the den that is basically Caetlin's playroom. Minimal furniture, lots of toys- you get the idea. Bruce is playing some game or other on the desktop computer and I'm on my laptop monitoring work emails, while Caetlin is basically her usual whirling dervish of activity, playing with one thing or another, having stories read to her by Mommy or Daddy, carrying on a running conversation with us.
She points out that she's wearing socks and Daddy is wearing socks and Mommy is wearing...she cranes her neck to see that I have nothing on my feet. She rushes off, disappearing into the other room, and resurfaces a minute later, carrying my shoes.
"Here, Mommy," she says, handing them to me.
I thank her but don't put them on right away. She goes to play and comes back after a minute.
"Mommy put shoes on?" she asks. I put the one shoe on, and as if to ensure my full compliance, she says, "Mommy put the other one on too?"
When I comply, she looks at me and says, "Mommy has shoes on. And they are so pretty."
Am I more flattered that she thinks my shoes are pretty, or more happy that she appears to be shaping up to be as into shoes as me? It's one identifiable way that she is like me. Mommy is so proud.
She points out that she's wearing socks and Daddy is wearing socks and Mommy is wearing...she cranes her neck to see that I have nothing on my feet. She rushes off, disappearing into the other room, and resurfaces a minute later, carrying my shoes.
"Here, Mommy," she says, handing them to me.
I thank her but don't put them on right away. She goes to play and comes back after a minute.
"Mommy put shoes on?" she asks. I put the one shoe on, and as if to ensure my full compliance, she says, "Mommy put the other one on too?"
When I comply, she looks at me and says, "Mommy has shoes on. And they are so pretty."
Am I more flattered that she thinks my shoes are pretty, or more happy that she appears to be shaping up to be as into shoes as me? It's one identifiable way that she is like me. Mommy is so proud.
Bittersweet
So, the estrangement from my extended family that I have alluded to a few times continues apace. I'm starting to feel better about it; certainly time is doing it's legendary healing of all wounds. I won't say I'm happy about it, or that I don't wonder whether we'll ever speak again or be close again, but it's not taking up huge chunks of my brain power any more, and for that I am grateful. I'm learning to fill those holes in my life with other things, and I think on balance it is a good change that I've had to make.
It doesn't change the fact, though, that sometimes things are a little poignant. This afternoon, Bruce, Caetlin and I went to lunch at a casual restaurant that we usually have visited with my sister and brother-in-law. On the way inside from the car, Caetlin says, clearly remembering the times we've been there with them, "Aunt [Sister] gone bye-bye."
Bruce just said, yes, baby, you really don't know how true that is. Aunt [Sister] is gone bye-bye in so many more ways than one.
And then a minute later she followed it up with, "And Uncle [Brother-In-Law] gone bye-bye too."
And Bruce said, yes, sweetie, he was truly unfortunate collateral damage and he's gone bye-bye too. Bruce had thought of Brother-In-Law as a friend, and has been terribly disappointed that in the turmoil between my sister and me, Brother-In-Law seems to have written Bruce off as well.
We moved on, swinging Caetlin between us ("One...Two...THREE!"), and into the restaurant for lunch, even as we moved on in our conversation and our thoughts. But the short exchange stayed with me, funny and sad, wisdom from the mouths of babes, etc. We are- I am- moving on. I'm still sad that I have to, but yes- my family is gone bye-bye.
It doesn't change the fact, though, that sometimes things are a little poignant. This afternoon, Bruce, Caetlin and I went to lunch at a casual restaurant that we usually have visited with my sister and brother-in-law. On the way inside from the car, Caetlin says, clearly remembering the times we've been there with them, "Aunt [Sister] gone bye-bye."
Bruce just said, yes, baby, you really don't know how true that is. Aunt [Sister] is gone bye-bye in so many more ways than one.
And then a minute later she followed it up with, "And Uncle [Brother-In-Law] gone bye-bye too."
And Bruce said, yes, sweetie, he was truly unfortunate collateral damage and he's gone bye-bye too. Bruce had thought of Brother-In-Law as a friend, and has been terribly disappointed that in the turmoil between my sister and me, Brother-In-Law seems to have written Bruce off as well.
We moved on, swinging Caetlin between us ("One...Two...THREE!"), and into the restaurant for lunch, even as we moved on in our conversation and our thoughts. But the short exchange stayed with me, funny and sad, wisdom from the mouths of babes, etc. We are- I am- moving on. I'm still sad that I have to, but yes- my family is gone bye-bye.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A Good Day's Work
Bruce and I spent the day working to get ready for Segunda today. My hormones have not left me alone lately, urging me to nest, whispering that we're not ready. If I'm honest and realistic, the car seat is the only truly necessary piece of equipment; if we had to bring Segunda home yesterday, it would suck for Bruce because he would have to do all the work that we did today by himself, as well as all that still remains, but it would have been okay. Yet the car seat still required a bit of work; it's been stored in our yucky basement, along with the cats and the various vermin, for the last nearly two years. It had cobwebs on it. It needed some TLC.
And that goes for all the other various baby gear that we still own but which has been relegated to basement, attic, various closets, etc. Not to mention the small things- clothes, bibs, bottles- that Caetlin no longer has any use for but that we'll need for Segunda. Also not to mention the various furniture that needed to be shifted around. You can maybe begin to see why my hormones have been prodding me.
So, we sent Caetlin with a babysitter today for most of the day (after going out to breakfast with her, at which she ate a truly prodigious amount of food. Girl loves her breakfast), and set to work getting these things done.
Here are the things we accomplished today:
- We moved the glider and footrest into Segunda's room. This was harder than it sounds, since the doors in this house are pretty narrow. It meant taking the glider apart and putting it back together.
- We moved one of our big comfy chairs and ottoman into Caetlin's room. We still read to her in the chair, but the rocker was essential for nursing purposes with Caetlin, and Caetlin isn't exactly sitting still to be rocked these days. A stationary chair that is big enough for us to sit side by side really fits her style much better nowadays.
- We finished packing up all the stuff in Segunda's room, which had formerly been the guest bedroom/junk room. There's almost nothing in there now except baby stuff and the guest bed. Bruce heroically lugged a number of boxes of stuff down to the basement.
- We brought up a couple of plastic boxes of baby stuff. Thank goodness I have packed away Caetlin's old things in plastic instead of vermin-susceptible cardboard.
- We also brought up from the basement or down from the attic the following items:
- Bassinet
- Car seat and base
- Bumpo baby seat
- Portable swing
- Full-size swing
- Baby bjorn
- Baby sling
- Nursing pillow
- Bouncy seat
- Snap n go stroller
All of these items need their covers washed and their non-washable parts wiped down.
- We washed all covers that we could remove (the bassinet is stupid and the cover can't be removed, so we're going to try to Woolite it) and wiped down almost all the gear.
- We trekked to Babies R Us for nursery gear for Segunda. We originally agreed on a pink and brown and green set with butterflies on it, but we ended up going with a gender neutral farm animals set that was on clearance for less than half the cost. I now need to see if I can order any of the other accessories online, most specifically the adorable cow-shaped rug that goes with it.
- We set up Segunda's room in terms of placement of crib, guest bed, glider, etc. We also unwrapped the new mattress for Segunda and put it in the crib, ready to be made up with sheets, bumper, etc.
That was a lot of work! Still to do is a substantially shorter list that involves putting various covers back on various pieces of baby gear, getting the car seat installed, and shifting some baby things like receiving blankets, etc. into Segunda's room from Caetlin's. We are at a place where Bruce could conceivably take care of everything that still remains while I'm in the hospital (note to Segunda: this is NOT an invitation to make your appearance at this time Another 6.5 weeks or so, please).
Anyway, the little voice in my head, driven by hormones and my own anal nature, is much quieter now. I'm tired, but incredibly pleased at how much we got done today and how little truly remains to be done. And it being a long weekend, I don't even have to go to work tomorrow! It's win-win all over the place.
Now to settle in and watch the game. Go Steelers!
And that goes for all the other various baby gear that we still own but which has been relegated to basement, attic, various closets, etc. Not to mention the small things- clothes, bibs, bottles- that Caetlin no longer has any use for but that we'll need for Segunda. Also not to mention the various furniture that needed to be shifted around. You can maybe begin to see why my hormones have been prodding me.
So, we sent Caetlin with a babysitter today for most of the day (after going out to breakfast with her, at which she ate a truly prodigious amount of food. Girl loves her breakfast), and set to work getting these things done.
Here are the things we accomplished today:
- We moved the glider and footrest into Segunda's room. This was harder than it sounds, since the doors in this house are pretty narrow. It meant taking the glider apart and putting it back together.
- We moved one of our big comfy chairs and ottoman into Caetlin's room. We still read to her in the chair, but the rocker was essential for nursing purposes with Caetlin, and Caetlin isn't exactly sitting still to be rocked these days. A stationary chair that is big enough for us to sit side by side really fits her style much better nowadays.
- We finished packing up all the stuff in Segunda's room, which had formerly been the guest bedroom/junk room. There's almost nothing in there now except baby stuff and the guest bed. Bruce heroically lugged a number of boxes of stuff down to the basement.
- We brought up a couple of plastic boxes of baby stuff. Thank goodness I have packed away Caetlin's old things in plastic instead of vermin-susceptible cardboard.
- We also brought up from the basement or down from the attic the following items:
- Bassinet
- Car seat and base
- Bumpo baby seat
- Portable swing
- Full-size swing
- Baby bjorn
- Baby sling
- Nursing pillow
- Bouncy seat
- Snap n go stroller
All of these items need their covers washed and their non-washable parts wiped down.
- We washed all covers that we could remove (the bassinet is stupid and the cover can't be removed, so we're going to try to Woolite it) and wiped down almost all the gear.
- We trekked to Babies R Us for nursery gear for Segunda. We originally agreed on a pink and brown and green set with butterflies on it, but we ended up going with a gender neutral farm animals set that was on clearance for less than half the cost. I now need to see if I can order any of the other accessories online, most specifically the adorable cow-shaped rug that goes with it.
- We set up Segunda's room in terms of placement of crib, guest bed, glider, etc. We also unwrapped the new mattress for Segunda and put it in the crib, ready to be made up with sheets, bumper, etc.
That was a lot of work! Still to do is a substantially shorter list that involves putting various covers back on various pieces of baby gear, getting the car seat installed, and shifting some baby things like receiving blankets, etc. into Segunda's room from Caetlin's. We are at a place where Bruce could conceivably take care of everything that still remains while I'm in the hospital (note to Segunda: this is NOT an invitation to make your appearance at this time Another 6.5 weeks or so, please).
Anyway, the little voice in my head, driven by hormones and my own anal nature, is much quieter now. I'm tired, but incredibly pleased at how much we got done today and how little truly remains to be done. And it being a long weekend, I don't even have to go to work tomorrow! It's win-win all over the place.
Now to settle in and watch the game. Go Steelers!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Joining My Own Generation
Okay, so I finally joined Facebook. Apparently I had actually joined some time ago without really realizing it, in response to a friend request a long time ago. But I'm now ready to actually be a part of it.
I know, I know, I'm seriously the last person under 40 who is not already on it. And for a long time I've talked about how I really just wanted to avoid the time suck of it all. Bruce joined not too long ago, though, and every few days he's all, "Sweetie, you have to do this!" Making me feel like the world's oldest, fogiest young(ish) person to continue holding out.
So all of you who are on Facebook (which would be basically everyone who reads this, who is under 40), please bear with me as I find you and send friend requests. It strikes me a little like approaching the popular table in the middle school cafeteria and timidly asking to sit down, all hopeful that people will shove down and let me eat with them.
So shove down, okay? Okay??
Whew. Thanks!
(Or you guys can send me friend requests, if you happen to be on at any particular time and I haven't managed to find you yet.)
I know, I know, I'm seriously the last person under 40 who is not already on it. And for a long time I've talked about how I really just wanted to avoid the time suck of it all. Bruce joined not too long ago, though, and every few days he's all, "Sweetie, you have to do this!" Making me feel like the world's oldest, fogiest young(ish) person to continue holding out.
So all of you who are on Facebook (which would be basically everyone who reads this, who is under 40), please bear with me as I find you and send friend requests. It strikes me a little like approaching the popular table in the middle school cafeteria and timidly asking to sit down, all hopeful that people will shove down and let me eat with them.
So shove down, okay? Okay??
Whew. Thanks!
(Or you guys can send me friend requests, if you happen to be on at any particular time and I haven't managed to find you yet.)
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Belated: In Memoriam
Something I completely failed to write about at the time it happened this past fall needs not to go unheeded. In October, our wonderful kitty Kabuki went on to the great litter box in the sky. In retrospect, it seemed like we should have seen the signs. He wasn't sick for very long- whatever killed him, did so quickly- but in hindsight we could definitely put some of the strange behavior puzzle pieces together.
It all started, at least when we really started paying attention, when he didn't come home for a few days. And then he did, and we thought he was just having a long jaunt away. He was always more comfortable as an outside kitty, and we indulged him that here. He was a smart cat. He rarely left the yard, and he was extra cautious around cars. Of our three cats, he was the one best equipped for any outside adventures.
Not long after the three-day absence, he just didn't come home again one night. We felt sure he would turn up, as he always had, though even the three-day hiatus was extremely unusual for him. When he didn't show, we called for him, and listened for his cry, and dashed to the door whenever one of us imagined his plaintive wailing outside. He always sounded so full of ennui. Bruce always made me smile when he responded to a seemingly-despondent cat cry with, "Live, Kabuki! Live!"
About a week after he had last been seen, we had started trying to come to grips with the idea that he was probably gone, though Bruce was making a half-hearted attempt at searching local animal shelters. Then I happened to see a notice on the telephone pole immediately across the street from our house: "Found: black Persian cat. Please call" and it listed a number. Bruce called and concluded from his brief conversation with the woman on the other end that the cat in question was not Kabuki, but as the days went on with no sign, something about it didn't feel right to me. I asked him to call her again, and on the second call he elicited the relevant information.
The woman lives across the street from us, apparently. (I told you he wasn't a wanderer!) Early Sunday morning she found Kabuki lying in her driveway, clearly ill but purring when she picked him up. She tried to call emergency vets, but couldn't find any that were open, and as she held him, he had some kind of seizure or spasm and died in her arms.
We didn't reach her in time before she had disposed of his body, so we don't have 100% confirmation, but she gave enough details, particularly of his white undercoat that was so distinctive, that we are pretty sure it was him. And once we learned he had been so sick, a few other pieces fell into place. Like the times over the last few weeks that Kabuki had not eaten when food was put in front of him- very unusual. And the time we exited the front door to find a large pile of newly-regurgitated food hanging out on the front stoop. Also not like Kabuki, who (unlike Hobbes, our orange kitty with the nervous stomach) had never been a puker. And the general standoffishness he had been displaying, coupled with some unusual neediness. I know that sounds contradictory. I can't explain it any better than that.
I feel I failed him, not seeing these subtle signs of his illness for what they were. I failed him, and I let him be with a stranger at the end, not with us who cared about him so much. At least he wasn't alone. I take some small comfort in that.
It took a long time before I stopped looking for him when I drove up, or listening for him to come running when I walked up the steps to the house. And for a long time I didn't write about it because I just felt too bad about it. Not in the weeping, grieving sense, though I did mourn his loss. But just feeling bad about how he died, how we missed his sickness, how we failed him. He deserved better from us, though I don't know how we could have given it. Even in hindsight, the signs were subtle. I'm so sorry, Wookiee.
Anyway, Bruce asked me to update my year end post to make sure his passing didn't go unmarked, and I realized he needed a full post. He was a good kitty, the sweetest boy ever who would have been the perfect cat if he would just have used a litter box. He had a big head that was just right for scritching between his ears, and lovely big paws that were adorable. He was all black, but he turned rust colored as he aged. It was his way of going gray, I guess. And he had that white undercoat that made him turn mostly white when he got wet. He was always good for a really good, loud purr- he always purred loud as a kitten, and he loved to sit on Bruce's belly and be petted. He always greatly appreciated any pets anyone might give him, but he wasn't as insistent as some other cats can be. Petting him was always its own reward, because of how good it clearly made him feel. He had bad back hips for years, but he never complained.
RIP, Kabuki. I hope we meet again someday.
It all started, at least when we really started paying attention, when he didn't come home for a few days. And then he did, and we thought he was just having a long jaunt away. He was always more comfortable as an outside kitty, and we indulged him that here. He was a smart cat. He rarely left the yard, and he was extra cautious around cars. Of our three cats, he was the one best equipped for any outside adventures.
Not long after the three-day absence, he just didn't come home again one night. We felt sure he would turn up, as he always had, though even the three-day hiatus was extremely unusual for him. When he didn't show, we called for him, and listened for his cry, and dashed to the door whenever one of us imagined his plaintive wailing outside. He always sounded so full of ennui. Bruce always made me smile when he responded to a seemingly-despondent cat cry with, "Live, Kabuki! Live!"
About a week after he had last been seen, we had started trying to come to grips with the idea that he was probably gone, though Bruce was making a half-hearted attempt at searching local animal shelters. Then I happened to see a notice on the telephone pole immediately across the street from our house: "Found: black Persian cat. Please call" and it listed a number. Bruce called and concluded from his brief conversation with the woman on the other end that the cat in question was not Kabuki, but as the days went on with no sign, something about it didn't feel right to me. I asked him to call her again, and on the second call he elicited the relevant information.
The woman lives across the street from us, apparently. (I told you he wasn't a wanderer!) Early Sunday morning she found Kabuki lying in her driveway, clearly ill but purring when she picked him up. She tried to call emergency vets, but couldn't find any that were open, and as she held him, he had some kind of seizure or spasm and died in her arms.
We didn't reach her in time before she had disposed of his body, so we don't have 100% confirmation, but she gave enough details, particularly of his white undercoat that was so distinctive, that we are pretty sure it was him. And once we learned he had been so sick, a few other pieces fell into place. Like the times over the last few weeks that Kabuki had not eaten when food was put in front of him- very unusual. And the time we exited the front door to find a large pile of newly-regurgitated food hanging out on the front stoop. Also not like Kabuki, who (unlike Hobbes, our orange kitty with the nervous stomach) had never been a puker. And the general standoffishness he had been displaying, coupled with some unusual neediness. I know that sounds contradictory. I can't explain it any better than that.
I feel I failed him, not seeing these subtle signs of his illness for what they were. I failed him, and I let him be with a stranger at the end, not with us who cared about him so much. At least he wasn't alone. I take some small comfort in that.
It took a long time before I stopped looking for him when I drove up, or listening for him to come running when I walked up the steps to the house. And for a long time I didn't write about it because I just felt too bad about it. Not in the weeping, grieving sense, though I did mourn his loss. But just feeling bad about how he died, how we missed his sickness, how we failed him. He deserved better from us, though I don't know how we could have given it. Even in hindsight, the signs were subtle. I'm so sorry, Wookiee.
Anyway, Bruce asked me to update my year end post to make sure his passing didn't go unmarked, and I realized he needed a full post. He was a good kitty, the sweetest boy ever who would have been the perfect cat if he would just have used a litter box. He had a big head that was just right for scritching between his ears, and lovely big paws that were adorable. He was all black, but he turned rust colored as he aged. It was his way of going gray, I guess. And he had that white undercoat that made him turn mostly white when he got wet. He was always good for a really good, loud purr- he always purred loud as a kitten, and he loved to sit on Bruce's belly and be petted. He always greatly appreciated any pets anyone might give him, but he wasn't as insistent as some other cats can be. Petting him was always its own reward, because of how good it clearly made him feel. He had bad back hips for years, but he never complained.
RIP, Kabuki. I hope we meet again someday.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Reprieve, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Uncertainty
Okay, my post title lies: I can't love the uncertainty.
The meeting at which the laid off one was to officially be axed happened today. I can tell you finally that it is Bruce who is affected by this, not me. What I can't tell you, though, is anything about the details of the impending separation.
Against all odds and expectations, it appears- preliminarily- that the Hail Mary I referenced a couple of times may have worked. The office head actually appears to be interested in helping Bruce find a new department, now that his industry has collapsed, rather than just firing him.
It's not a done deal yet; they are set to meet again on Friday to confirm the details. But it looks like the firm doesn't want to lay Bruce off. Like they may be actively looking for some way to keep him employed. At the meeting today, nothing was spoken about severance, or a soft landing, or anything like that.
If I sound amazed, it is because I am. I admit, I had very little faith that the firm cared anything at all about working with Bruce. And I still don't think that the firm does care, in the sense of concern for Bruce personally, but the fact that the management has enough foresight to try to find a fit for him, rather than simply cutting the "dead wood" and moving on, is simply befuddling to me at this point. This is not how law firm management typically works. Maybe it is not just propaganda that this firm is different.
Anyway, after the weeks of buildup, I have no idea what to think about all this. I had gotten myself into certain patterns of thinking, about the ways our life was going to change, about some things we need to do to make it work, and now those patterns maybe aren't terribly relevant and there is nothing to take their place, since we don't have complete assurance that Bruce still has a job and on what terms. After weeks and weeks of stress, it almost feels like a reprieve, but I'm not sure we can go back exactly the way we were. We've been giving a lot of thought to our future, and where we want to go and what we want to do with ourselves from here, and some of the changes in our thinking will be permanent, I think.
And still hovering over us is the uncertainty. The new group could decide not to take him on, and that will leave us in the same spot. Almost certainly a pay cut is in the works (though don't think I am complaining: any lesser cut is better than the 100% pay cut he was facing). He could still be out of a job in a few months, if the new group doesn't find work or if somehow politics comes into play in a way that we can't foresee right now.
What if, what if, what if. My head is spinning and it doesn't help that I didn't sleep well last night. Bruce says he is relieved. I'm not; I'm just confused and not counting our chickens before they hatch.
I think the tentative plan, if Bruce remains employed by the firm, is to still let the nanny go and put Caetlin in day care. That is a more than $2,000 per month savings, just on child care, and we have been thinking that day care would be good for her. But it will allow us to help her land a bit more softly, give her a longer notice and a larger severance. We want to pack away the savings and hammer at Bruce's student loans, which we can pay off within a year. We could pay mine off a year after that. And we must sell the Charlotte house. Once we sell that house, we can go anywhere we want, and just about do anything we want.
We need that kind of freedom, right now.
Anyway, reprieve! Kind of.
The meeting at which the laid off one was to officially be axed happened today. I can tell you finally that it is Bruce who is affected by this, not me. What I can't tell you, though, is anything about the details of the impending separation.
Against all odds and expectations, it appears- preliminarily- that the Hail Mary I referenced a couple of times may have worked. The office head actually appears to be interested in helping Bruce find a new department, now that his industry has collapsed, rather than just firing him.
It's not a done deal yet; they are set to meet again on Friday to confirm the details. But it looks like the firm doesn't want to lay Bruce off. Like they may be actively looking for some way to keep him employed. At the meeting today, nothing was spoken about severance, or a soft landing, or anything like that.
If I sound amazed, it is because I am. I admit, I had very little faith that the firm cared anything at all about working with Bruce. And I still don't think that the firm does care, in the sense of concern for Bruce personally, but the fact that the management has enough foresight to try to find a fit for him, rather than simply cutting the "dead wood" and moving on, is simply befuddling to me at this point. This is not how law firm management typically works. Maybe it is not just propaganda that this firm is different.
Anyway, after the weeks of buildup, I have no idea what to think about all this. I had gotten myself into certain patterns of thinking, about the ways our life was going to change, about some things we need to do to make it work, and now those patterns maybe aren't terribly relevant and there is nothing to take their place, since we don't have complete assurance that Bruce still has a job and on what terms. After weeks and weeks of stress, it almost feels like a reprieve, but I'm not sure we can go back exactly the way we were. We've been giving a lot of thought to our future, and where we want to go and what we want to do with ourselves from here, and some of the changes in our thinking will be permanent, I think.
And still hovering over us is the uncertainty. The new group could decide not to take him on, and that will leave us in the same spot. Almost certainly a pay cut is in the works (though don't think I am complaining: any lesser cut is better than the 100% pay cut he was facing). He could still be out of a job in a few months, if the new group doesn't find work or if somehow politics comes into play in a way that we can't foresee right now.
What if, what if, what if. My head is spinning and it doesn't help that I didn't sleep well last night. Bruce says he is relieved. I'm not; I'm just confused and not counting our chickens before they hatch.
I think the tentative plan, if Bruce remains employed by the firm, is to still let the nanny go and put Caetlin in day care. That is a more than $2,000 per month savings, just on child care, and we have been thinking that day care would be good for her. But it will allow us to help her land a bit more softly, give her a longer notice and a larger severance. We want to pack away the savings and hammer at Bruce's student loans, which we can pay off within a year. We could pay mine off a year after that. And we must sell the Charlotte house. Once we sell that house, we can go anywhere we want, and just about do anything we want.
We need that kind of freedom, right now.
Anyway, reprieve! Kind of.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
32 Weeks
We had another ultrasound this afternoon. The good news is that the placenta has moved plenty far away from the cervix. The even better news is that Segunda appears perfectly healthy. No cleft lip, all 4 chambers of the heart showing up and beating, diaphragm, stomach and kidneys all in the correct places and appearing normal and working. We saw her practice breathing, a sign of a happy baby according to the ultrasound tech. We saw her little face, her eyes and mouth opening and closing, and according to the tech, she has hair (I couldn't see it myself). She's a little over 4 pounds, which is exactly as big as she should be for her gestational age, not that there was much question about when she was conceived.
The so-so news is that she is breech. I thought she had turned head down, and maybe she had, but she's back to head up. My little contortionist has one foot up by her head and one foot under her bottom, and is lying on her left side.
It's not a huge problem if I have to have a C-section because she's breech, but I really would prefer not to have a C-section if I can help it. I really want to try to have labor start naturally this time, instead of being induced as I was with Caetlin, and I even want to try an unmedicated delivery. I am not one of those crunchy natural birth people like Riki Lake- I want to have my baby in the hospital, and I am not opposed to medication if it turns out that I can't handle the pain, and I won't be crushed if I end up having to have a C-section. That said, I really do want to try it nature's way if I can this time. I think I would feel seriously empowered if I could have this baby without pain medication.
Anyway, the current breech baby in my ever-growing belly is not helping with that. Turn, kiddo! The OB didn't seem remotely worried about the positioning at this point, so that was comforting. She seemed to feel like we had plenty of time, she has plenty of room, and all will likely sort itself out. Fingers crossed.
And that's where we are at 32 weeks.
In unrelated-to-Segunda news, we actually rented the Charlotte house! That is hugely good news, since it helps us financially a lot. It takes a little of the pressure off the laid off one to find a new job at a certain salary right away. So, yay renter!
The so-so news is that she is breech. I thought she had turned head down, and maybe she had, but she's back to head up. My little contortionist has one foot up by her head and one foot under her bottom, and is lying on her left side.
It's not a huge problem if I have to have a C-section because she's breech, but I really would prefer not to have a C-section if I can help it. I really want to try to have labor start naturally this time, instead of being induced as I was with Caetlin, and I even want to try an unmedicated delivery. I am not one of those crunchy natural birth people like Riki Lake- I want to have my baby in the hospital, and I am not opposed to medication if it turns out that I can't handle the pain, and I won't be crushed if I end up having to have a C-section. That said, I really do want to try it nature's way if I can this time. I think I would feel seriously empowered if I could have this baby without pain medication.
Anyway, the current breech baby in my ever-growing belly is not helping with that. Turn, kiddo! The OB didn't seem remotely worried about the positioning at this point, so that was comforting. She seemed to feel like we had plenty of time, she has plenty of room, and all will likely sort itself out. Fingers crossed.
And that's where we are at 32 weeks.
In unrelated-to-Segunda news, we actually rented the Charlotte house! That is hugely good news, since it helps us financially a lot. It takes a little of the pressure off the laid off one to find a new job at a certain salary right away. So, yay renter!
Stay of Execution
So, the meeting at which the laid off one of us was to discover the terms of the impending "separation" from the firm was to have taken place this past Tuesday. That morning, less than half an hour before the appointed time, it was rescheduled to today. ("How rude!" I fumed at Bruce. "As rude as firing one of us?" he asked. I had to concede he had a point.) Then yesterday, it was rescheduled to next Monday.
The practical upshot of all this is that we remain in a constant state of stress and worry, since we can't plan for details that we don't know. Our nanny remains completely unaware that anything is wrong, since we don't want to break the bad news while we aren't sure of things ourselves (there is still that one last Hail Mary the laid off one has, though neither of us have much hope that will amount to anything). The laid off one hasn't started job searching in real earnest yet, since again we have no idea of what the firm may be planning.
It's been like being marched up the gallows steps several times, and each time being told, "Oh, no, sorry, it's not your turn. Yet."
The practical upshot of all this is that we remain in a constant state of stress and worry, since we can't plan for details that we don't know. Our nanny remains completely unaware that anything is wrong, since we don't want to break the bad news while we aren't sure of things ourselves (there is still that one last Hail Mary the laid off one has, though neither of us have much hope that will amount to anything). The laid off one hasn't started job searching in real earnest yet, since again we have no idea of what the firm may be planning.
It's been like being marched up the gallows steps several times, and each time being told, "Oh, no, sorry, it's not your turn. Yet."
Thursday, January 1, 2009
But...Some Good News!
Here is hopefully the first sign that 2009 may be a better year. We received word that our house in Charlotte is under application to be rented. Assuming the renter checks out and is okay with paying our pet deposit, we will soon be able to recoup some of the monthly expenses for that property. The rent is not enough to cover the management fees, mortgage, taxes, insurance, etc., but it will help a lot with defraying those costs.
With the house presumably rented, the laid off half of this partnership is considering staying home with the children instead of finding another job. We'll have to see what the terms are of the layoff and how the job search ends up progressing. We've run the numbers- we could do it, though it may be tighter than we would like. Still, we'd be paying more attention to expenses, daycare would cost nothing, we'd be cooking almost every meal at home, etc. It's not likely that we would be able to put away the same amount for savings, but we may not feel the same lifestyle hit as we would expect.
I should clarify that we don't live extravagantly. I know some family members who think we have a "big city lifestyle" but the truth is that we drive two paid for cars. We have no debt besides student loans and our mortgage. Our two TVs are both 5 years old or more (no flat screens or big screens), and we really don't spend a lot on clothes for ourselves or the baby, electronics, jewelry, toys for the kid, etc. Our mortgage was modest as compared to our income when we bought the house. We put a lot away each month for retirement, the kids' college, and just general savings. Where we tended to spend money is on food, as we eat out a lot or have delivery. And we spend a frightening amount for the nanny's salary.
I think where the pinch would be felt is in our thoughts and attitudes about money. Right now we don't really think about it on a day to day basis. We can go to a bookstore and spend $150 at one time without really giving it a lot of thought. We can order takeout if we want it and don't feel like cooking, without really worrying about it. It's in the little things like that- a Starbucks in the morning, a breakfast out on the weekend, Caetlin's Kindermusik classes and the zoo membership and Children's Museum membership- that we would feel the pinch. Not to say that we couldn't still do those things, but only that they would require thought. And we certainly don't shop for bargains habitually. I'm sure that will change as well.
It could definitely be a good thing for us. It will certainly make us more mindful of our finances, which can only be a good thing. I'm trying to maintain the optimism that presumably renting the house has brought. It's a new year! It's a new life for us, a new reality. I have no idea what that's going to look like, but I'm trying so hard to believe that it will be a better one than we have now.
With the house presumably rented, the laid off half of this partnership is considering staying home with the children instead of finding another job. We'll have to see what the terms are of the layoff and how the job search ends up progressing. We've run the numbers- we could do it, though it may be tighter than we would like. Still, we'd be paying more attention to expenses, daycare would cost nothing, we'd be cooking almost every meal at home, etc. It's not likely that we would be able to put away the same amount for savings, but we may not feel the same lifestyle hit as we would expect.
I should clarify that we don't live extravagantly. I know some family members who think we have a "big city lifestyle" but the truth is that we drive two paid for cars. We have no debt besides student loans and our mortgage. Our two TVs are both 5 years old or more (no flat screens or big screens), and we really don't spend a lot on clothes for ourselves or the baby, electronics, jewelry, toys for the kid, etc. Our mortgage was modest as compared to our income when we bought the house. We put a lot away each month for retirement, the kids' college, and just general savings. Where we tended to spend money is on food, as we eat out a lot or have delivery. And we spend a frightening amount for the nanny's salary.
I think where the pinch would be felt is in our thoughts and attitudes about money. Right now we don't really think about it on a day to day basis. We can go to a bookstore and spend $150 at one time without really giving it a lot of thought. We can order takeout if we want it and don't feel like cooking, without really worrying about it. It's in the little things like that- a Starbucks in the morning, a breakfast out on the weekend, Caetlin's Kindermusik classes and the zoo membership and Children's Museum membership- that we would feel the pinch. Not to say that we couldn't still do those things, but only that they would require thought. And we certainly don't shop for bargains habitually. I'm sure that will change as well.
It could definitely be a good thing for us. It will certainly make us more mindful of our finances, which can only be a good thing. I'm trying to maintain the optimism that presumably renting the house has brought. It's a new year! It's a new life for us, a new reality. I have no idea what that's going to look like, but I'm trying so hard to believe that it will be a better one than we have now.
2009 Begins with Blah
So, Happy New Year! I rang in the new year by dozing through an old episode of Entourage with Bruce. Hope yours was as exciting or not as you wanted it to be.
I'm sick. Caetlin is sick. We both have colds that started pretty mild and quickly morphed into something ugly and hacking and snotty. It's not been pretty. Blah.
We got to see Devon and her adorable son this morning, but it was for far too short a time- only the length of brunch. And because Caetlin is sick, she was a complete pain in the booty and Bruce had to inhale his breakfast so he could take her outside (he was wonderful enough to let me try to enjoy the little time we had to visit). And then they were off to Charleston to visit her family, and I'm left to miss them once again. Blah.
Georgia won its bowl game in spectacularly blah fashion. It's been a tale of two different Bulldog teams all season, and the bad team showed up in the first half and the good team showed up for most of the second half. The game should not have been as close as it was. And so, Georgia football ends until late August. A mediocre team playing a mediocre season ends with a mediocre win. Blah.
So 2009 rings in with...blah. *snortle*
I'm sick. Caetlin is sick. We both have colds that started pretty mild and quickly morphed into something ugly and hacking and snotty. It's not been pretty. Blah.
We got to see Devon and her adorable son this morning, but it was for far too short a time- only the length of brunch. And because Caetlin is sick, she was a complete pain in the booty and Bruce had to inhale his breakfast so he could take her outside (he was wonderful enough to let me try to enjoy the little time we had to visit). And then they were off to Charleston to visit her family, and I'm left to miss them once again. Blah.
Georgia won its bowl game in spectacularly blah fashion. It's been a tale of two different Bulldog teams all season, and the bad team showed up in the first half and the good team showed up for most of the second half. The game should not have been as close as it was. And so, Georgia football ends until late August. A mediocre team playing a mediocre season ends with a mediocre win. Blah.
So 2009 rings in with...blah. *snortle*
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