New Words

We are having a language explosion around here, folks, and while some of these words might not stick, a few of them seem to have staying power.

"Oh, no!" This is especially comical when she says it after having fallen down.
"Stop it!" Her nanny says this to her, and while she is right now just repeating it, hearing it in her little baby voice is hysterical.
"Table" which she looks at from her high chair at meal times.
"Bees" which she called dog at first when she saw them on TV.
She makes some noise that clearly means cat to her, though it doesn't sound enough like cat for me to call it that.
She also tries to sing the "up above" part of "up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky..." I think you know the rest.
"Elmo." At anything fuzzy and red. Apparently I am fuzzy and red, because I am Elmo sometimes.
"Shoe." This one will stick- the girl knows her shoes. Mommy is so proud!
"Book." Pronounced "boo" but usually said pointing at a book.

Also, this isn't language, but she's gotten very good at using a spoon to feed herself something that will stick to the spoon. Not so much with the scooping, but pretty good with the bringing of the spoon to the mouth with something on it. She picked that up pretty quickly, too.

We'll probably have pics from the vacation, so hopefully we'll have some new pictures soon. In the meantime, you'll have to content yourself with these from our last vacation, which I have been promising forever.

Holiday Memories

So, the things that made my holidays memorable:

Spending an all-too-rushed night of Hanukkah with our good friends in Charlotte; watching them light the candles of their Menorah and listening to them say the ritual prayers. Hebrew is such a lovely language- it always sounds so old and melodic. Then we all opened presents and shared a few glasses of wine and had just a lovely time. That seems like so long ago now, though it was only about three weeks ago.

Working, working, working: all night, all day, all the time at my office. Yuck. But a very cool deal to be on, and a terribly satisfying closing. Sadly, then continuing on to close three more deals today, which have been painfully drawn out.

Breathing the sigh of relief Friday afternoon, knowing that the next 4 days would likely not include too much work. Fortunately and unfortunately, I had many family obligations that would fill those days.

Driving to my dad's on Saturday morning; the swirl of people I don't know at my dad's house, Caetlin being her usual sweet self, her little blond head bobbing around the various pieces of furniture, surfacing in one part of the room or another. Fabulous dinner, then the embarrassment of having no gift for someone who had one for me. Also an Elmo toy that sings a song that will not leave my head, and the further embarrassment of Caetlin's toe having popped through the foot of her nearly-too-small PJs. Also, warmth, and family, and light, and so many Christmas decorations! Driving back in that greasy misty rain that makes it hard to see no matter what, on the windy narrow road that was fortunately pretty empty at that time of night.

The ridiculous pace of Monday, when I finished my shopping at like 6 places, got my nails done, got Caetlin and myself ready for church, made it to church not too late, met my sister and family, held a wiggly, fidgety Caetlin who lost it in the communion procession because she wanted to be down and walking around, laughed and "Awwww" -ed at the children's pageant presented by toddlers (the herald angel stomped off to her parents in a most amusing fashion), went to dinner at TGI Friday's, where my happy baby girl made friends with everyone, especially the nice man who gave her a balloon. Then bringing her home and listening to the quiet of the house after she went to bed, and knowing that I had an hour's worth of wrapping to do. That was a little disheartening, but I also remember that I went to bed early and got 10 hours of sleep, aided by my adorable daughter who slept in a little on Christmas.

Then the quiet Christmas morning, where we opened presents and made off to my sister's for Christmas brunch and dinner. Caetlin bobbed along again, the food was fantastic, if ill-timed, since Caetlin missed her afternoon nap. There was an incident with a battery-operated candle-shaped lamp and a broken bulb that resulted in my daughter's blood and tears flowing, but no permanent damage. Her gifts from my sister's family were a big hit. We watched "A Christmas Story," which I managed to sleep through part of, and "Elf" which I felt guilty for watching while Bruce followed Caetlin around the non-babyproof house. The dogs and cats, the stairs that Caetlin persisted in climbing up with reckless disregard for gravity, the much needed rain that fell all day long, the crackle of the crust on the marshmallow fluff on top of the sweet potato casserole (if you use fluff instead of mini marshmallows it stays gooey on the inside and makes a fabulous crust on the top). The hurtful comment from my sister about my desire to lose a little weight that cast a pall on the rest of the otherwise wonderful day. I know she didn't mean anything hurtful by it, but I do know that she is showing a bit less sensitivity to me than I- and everyone- was required to show her when she was concerned about her weight. (Clearly it still stings.) Driving home in the dark, Caetlin "reading" her Curious George book in her car seat- she holds it right side up most times, and babbles as if she is reading and I find it adorable.

Dragging my ass back to work on Wednesday, to get ready for closing the three deals today, and for going on vacation next week. I imagine it will be something of a working vacation, as everyone else ramps back up at the start of the new year.

I know there is still a holiday to go- New Year's Eve, which I imagine I will spend with my family, my in-laws in Texas, and my husband and my hopefully sleeping daughter, and New Year's Day, which I hope to be spending watching football, specifically watching my Bulldogs show the country that they should have played for the championship, but also the other bowls as well. So those are memories I haven't made yet. But the holiday season is definitely drawing to a close.

These are my memories of it, good and bad. I can't coat the season with the sugar that it seems to want, but it is, and always will be, wonderful to know that I have family who love me, whom I love, family I'm not related to (I'm looking at you, my Jewish friends!) and family I've known literally all my life. Family who have come to be mine through luck, my wonderful husband, and through grace, my beautiful daughter.

So while my holiday wasn't exactly visions of sugarplums dancing in my head, neither was it my head not being screwed on quite right, my shoes being on too tight, or my heart being two sizes too small. Somewhere in between, I think. Isn't it that way for most of us?

Was That You?

I could swear I saw my old boyfriend coming out of the Arts Center MARTA station today when I was on my way in. He looked so much like him, except he was taller than I remember him, though my memory could just be playing tricks on me and making me remember him the same height as Bruce, since they are about the same build. If it was him, he's grown his hair back out and let it go all curly frizzy crazy. If it was him, he's put on weight.

If it was him, did he remember me? I looked straight into his eyes as we passed. I don't look that different, do I? I've changed my hair color and style, but not THAT much. I've put on some weight, but who hasn't? I still look like me, right? Would he recognize me if we passed on the street?

It's not unheard of that we might run into each other, I suppose. He moved to Atlanta after college, and started on a tech career right before the bottom dropped out of the tech industry. His Google trail grows cold after that, I'm afraid, though Yahoo people search had a listing for him in Atlanta last time I checked. No one I know from college is still in touch with him, I don't think.

After I saw pseudo-college boyfriend tonight, I went downstairs and stood by the track and ended up facing the wrong way, not looking down the track for my train. I realized I was looking up the stairs to see if he followed me back in. If he did, I didn't see him.

I wish I had a way of knowing he was all right. I hurt him badly, and he is a good person, and I wish I could have spared him that. It was right that we broke up- I went on to do all that I have done, have a ridiculously good marriage and a ridiculously sweet child whom I adore, and a ridiculously satisfying career at which I make a good living. In some parallel universe, several universes over, I stayed with him. What happened to me in that other universe? I can never know, but I'm happy not to find out. I just wish I could know what happened to him, and be satisfied that he's happy now. We did have some good times, after all.

There's no reason whatsoever that he would be, but Smashley (which [not real] name got broadcast all over Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in an incident which my Alaskan friend may remember), if you're out there and happen to find this, know that I hope you're okay. I Google you every so often. I won't ever contact you, but if we run into each other in the MARTA station, don't be afraid to say hi, okay?

UPDATE: Found him! After a more fruitful than usual Google trolling, I've managed to confirm that he's now a grad student at Georgia Tech. Crazy!

Milestones (Growing Older)

Caetlin said her first sentence today, even though we are using a somewhat elastic definition of sentence here. It was at least 2 words strung together to make a complete thought. We were getting ready to walk out the door to work this morning, and Bruce was leading the dog toward the door so he could go potty. Caetlin, finished with her breakfast, toddled after, doing her adorable babbling. Then, at full volume and kind of out of nowhere, "BYE, DOG!"

At least three times, following after the dog as he went outside, "BYE, DOG!"

This feels noteworthy to me. Single words, I can comprehend, but the idea of my just-barely-16-month-old daughter speaking in sentences seems so foreign. Kind of the mental counterpart to my being freaked out by her having teeth as a symbol of her growing up. If she can speak in sentences, that means she's not a baby anymore. Not MY baby. Oh, who are we kidding, she's always going to be my baby! But not literally a baby, which makes me sad, even though she is so much fun and so much easier to deal with.

I guess I ponder these things as we start talking about having another child. I miss Caetlin's babyhood, and the time we spent with her just taking care of her and getting to know her. I want that back, but I know that's not what we'll get with a second baby, since it won't be just the three of us. I'm sure having a second is wonderful in so many different ways that I can't imagine right now, but it won't be the same, and that is some of what gives me pause. What I really want is to recreate that time with her, to get to know the new baby the way we got to know her. I don't know; maybe what I really want is her to be the baby she was again.

Because she's not anybody's baby, not physically, anymore.

Other developments:
New favorite game: saying, "No! No!" to which one of us will respond, "Yes! Yes!" Rinse, repeat.

She has so many teeth now that she looks more like she has gaps where teeth aren't, rather than having isolated teeth in the middle of gums. Relatedly, it's funny to her when she sticks her finger in my mouth and I bite on it gently. For some reason this cracks her up.

She's gotten very adept at getting around the "No standing, no crawling" rule in the bathtub, and has become very adroit at scooting around on her bottom with one knee on the tub floor and one foot behind her. Relatedly, her new favorite game is to stick her face (really just her chin) into the water and laugh like a maniac.

She loves the "Hurry, hurry, drive the fire truck" song that our good friends from California taught us. The last verse is "Slowly, slowly, back to the station," which she'll join in on, often chiming in on that verse throughout the song. Except all she knows is, "Slowly, slowly." So she sings, "slowly, slowly" all through the song.

She's a fan of Ingrid Michaelson's song "The Way I Am," which Mommy sings to her with a few modifications. Specifically, rather than, "Cause I love the way you call me baby," of course the lyric becomes "I love the way you call me Mommy." And, slightly more problematically, "I'd buy you Rogaine/When you start losing all your hair," becomes "I'll buy you product/when you start doing up your hair." It's pretty close, I'd say. Anyway, she seems to like it, my singing voice notwithstanding.

Anyway, she's growing up. I suppose I can't stop that.

For a late Christmas gift for those of you still doing your shopping (yeah, I might be shopping on Christmas eve this year, so sue me), this makes a great- if tear jerking- gift for a parent in your life, especially of a little girl.

Still Alive

So, the deal closed. Very successfully.

I'm still alive, and after a good night's sleep (though I still need more), feeling much more like something resembling human.

I didn't have to go to NY after all. The closing got pushed back one day to yesterday, and so everyone agreed that with the extra time, I could do my work just as easily here as I could there. And it all got done, albeit with little sleep on my part. While I always enjoy the city and adore my colleagues up there, I was so glad not to go this time. Sleeping in my own bed, even if I wasn't doing terribly much of that, was priceless.

Now I'm onto the business of closing the deals that are closing tomorrow, and working myself back into the rest of my life, meaning cleaning the house, getting to know my daughter again, buying Christmas presents, all the sundry things that just got put on hold because there was no time to do them.

Anyway, that's where I am. I was on the call that funded the deal yesterday, and I sent the email to allow my client's money go where it should, and I was buzzed for a good couple hours afterward. And then I left early to get some shopping done, and I hardly looked at my Blackberry all evening, and then I felt free.

Memories

I remember what this is like. The quiet of the office after everyone has gone home, the strange feeling of freedom that comes with knowing you could turn cartwheels and no one would know (except possibly the security guards, who come on my floor at about 11 and 2). If you're like me, you never turn cartwheels. I remember the utter loathing I acquire for the office, which is as cosy as I can make it, as a result of just being there too much. The empty streets driving home at all hours, not a soul around. I usually drive with the window down those nights, no matter the weather, because I'm in such need of fresh air, of bright colors that aren't filtered through glass, of some reminder of the world away from the fluorescent lights that never change, never wax and wane, never turn different colors depending on clouds or wind or season.

I remember the agony every night- can I stop yet? Feeling guilty and panicked about what remains undone, I can't stay awake any longer. Wake up, feeling like shit, 4 or fewer hours later thinking, "I should have gotten up earlier." I remember the shakiness, the upset tummy, the appetite suppression, the headache, that are caffeine side effects.

I remember all this from my previous employer, and it was why I left the firm, in part. Because at the time I was working that hard, I didn't have Caetlin, and it still sucked badly. Now it just makes me want to cry on a daily basis, because I don't see her for more than about 20 minutes a day. I haven't given her a bath in almost a week; only because I was irresponsible and came home for an hour and a half last night did I get to read to her for the first time this week. It's almost unbearable to not see her. I don't know how parents who don't or can't see their children manage it. It breaks my heart on a daily basis.

I have to go to NY tonight through Monday. I am hopeful that things will be a little slower so I can rest, and more importantly, have some Mommy-Daughter time when I get back.

It's hard to reconcile my desires though, because this deal is a big professional opportunity for me. I remember the crappy work schedule from my previous work, but I also remember the enormous satisfaction I get from my work, especially these kinds of deals. If I'm not careful, I will gain a reputation as the go-to person for short-notice no sleep kinds of deals and then I'm in the same boat. But part of me wants that reputation, wants people to see how hard core I am about work. I am totally conflicted.

Not about how much this sucks, mind. Not about that. Those memories have come back to me with a vengeance.

I miss my baby girl. and my husband

Wish me luck on our closing.

Some Small Comfort

I'm making myself late for getting ready for to work posting this, and I only have time to post these couple. But...

These are from Halloween, obviously, and her costume was too big for her. She's the cutest little dragon ever!

I'm posting this for myself, because God knows I'm not seeing much of the real thing lately.

Smooshed

So, see the time stamp on this post? Yeah, I'm juuuust getting home from work. At 3:30 on Monday morning. And I didn't get even half of what I needed to get done, done.

So, tomorrow (which starts in, oh, 4 hours) will be a busy day. And Tuesday will be busy too. Wednesday- still busy. See where I'm going with this? My kid is going to be heading off to college when I finally get to see her again for more than 20 minutes.

A very small part of this is my fault. I shouldn't have gone out of town this weekend. But in one huge sense it was worth it- it will probably be the last time I get any significant time to play until Christmas, possibly later. So I feel no guilt (okay, a little, I am Catholic after all).

So, the docs are out. No doubt my clients are sleeping warm in their beds and will awake refreshed and ready to turn them back far sooner than I want them to. I have my trusty to-do list all teed up in the middle of my excessively messy desk, ready to face the morning (shudder). Tomorrow is a long day, and while the sleep I will get would have been inadequate no matter what, I must make the most of it.

And so, to bed. Posting to resume (with photos!) as soon as I can manage to get 7 good hours of sleep. In a row.

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

Update

I'm C-R-A-Z-Y busy at work, spending way too much time with my nose in a computer and far too little time with Caetlin and Bruce, but I wanted to provide a couple of quick updates, if for no other reason than to get that depressing post off the top.

First- Thanksgiving. Apparently, Caetlin will only eat mac and cheese if she can easily recognize it as mac and cheese, because she didn't like the homemade mac and cheese that was presented at Thanksgiving dinner. It was fabulous, so more for me. Also, turkey by itself is really bland, a point that was driven home to me by Caetlin- who is a resolute and happy carnivore- tasting, and then leaving, her turkey.

She was a real trooper, being dragged hither and yon, meeting so many new people. I'll try to post more about it all later (and yes, I know I still owe vacation pictures. I'll get to them. Some day. Expectations shouldn't be too high here- I still haven't put my wedding album together yet. Over three years later).

On the way home, she slept nearly all the way, and while I at first thought it was just because she was tired, after we got home I realized that she was burning up with fever. We dosed her with Motrin and tried to keep her comfortable, but she kept screaming (NOT like her, even when she is sick), so we took her to the emergency room. They determined that it wasn't her ears, and have done a urine culture, but Caetlin is feeling MUCH better today, after having spent a couple of days cranky and feverish. I strongly suspect that it was a reaction to the chicken pox vaccine that she received a week ago last Monday, though it was quite a more dramatic reaction than I was led to expect.

Anyway, she's happy and feeling better. All is right with the world.

Must get back to work now. More later.

Learning to Let Go

WARNING: this post is kind of long, and a bit of a downer, and written more for myself than anyone else. It was also written and posted with only minor editing, so it may not make a lot of sense. Feel free to skip it if you don't want to read about what feels to me sometimes like a middle-school drama.

So, I shouldn't be writing this. I should be doing some of the mountains of work I have, and in fact have in front of me. But I can't stop thinking about this, so I thought I might throw a little of it up onto the screen and maybe I'll stop being so bothered by it.

A note of warning- this is not the happy, family news that one might expect from this blog. There's nothing wrong with Caetlin (she's apparently ridiculously healthy and developmentally right on schedule, per her doctor) or Bruce, so don't worry about them. There's nothing seriously wrong with me either- it's just something that bothers me that I'm having trouble letting go of.

I had this friend back in Charlotte. She and I worked together and got really close over the first maybe 6 months I worked at my old firm. We hung out all the time; she and her husband and Bruce and I went out often as a foursome. She was my mentor at work, and I was, for a time, her go-to girl for deals. I loved hanging out with her, though in retrospect, she always made me feel a little insecure. She was known for being hard on people at work, and I wasn't spared (though I wasn't targeted as hard as some people). Anyway, I looked up to her. Respected her. I considered her my best friend in Charlotte.

That all changed when I got pregnant. She dropped me like a hot potato. She didn't hang out with me at all- suddenly it wasn't fun to go out with me if I wasn't going to drink. I don't mean to imply that we were all about the drinking, alcoholic-style. Just that, I guess, we couldn't bond because I couldn't drink, because I was pregnant, whatever. There are/were a ton of issues here, mostly her issues with pregnancy and work and life choices, I think, though I never discussed it with her. She dropped me in favor of the other young female associate in the department, not only socially, but work-wise as well. I think I counted it at some point, and prior to my pregnancy, I did something like three times the deals with her as I did after I became pregnant. This other woman became her right-hand-girl, her constant companion.

I don't know why I should be surprised. When I joined the firm, her former best friend was pregnant. I heard all about how they had previously been joined at the hip. I slid right into the opening presented by their dissolving friendship. It was only clear in hindsight that she had done the same thing to me, replaced me as soon as I got knocked up.

My failing relationship with her was one main reason I was so unhappy at my firm in Charlotte when we chose to move here. I tried to be casual about it, but it cut deeply that she wasn't interested in maintaining a friendship with me because I was going to become a parent. I don't mean to say that she ignored me or anything; we even went out as a foursome still sometimes after Caetlin was born. And her husband has remained nothing but generous and nice. It just wasn't the same, and everyone on the outside could see it.

Not long after we moved, I found out she is now pregnant. I have tried to get in touch with her a couple of times, but my emails are not answered, and yesterday I heard through a mutual friend that her baby shower is coming up, and of course I'm not invited. There's no reason to think I would be; since moving, I have not heard from her at all and our friendship appears dead(though she passed at least one of my emails on to her husband, who remains friendly).

I miss her. Even after all this time, I miss her. I am sorry that I can't share her pregnancy with her, because I'm terribly happy for her. I know she has not been a good friend to me, and I wish I could just let it go. I wish I could just accept that she is not a part of my life, nor really should she be, and move on. She has not treated me well. I know that. But her friendship meant so much to me. I think of her often. My experience with pregnancy was that I drew much closer to women who are moms, sharing this thing with them that is so transcendent. I guess I wish I could be there for her during this time of hers. I suppose that probably means that I feel like maybe we could become friends again over this shared experience- this is something that the other woman in the department can't relate to. Maybe if I were still at my old firm, that's even what would happen.

But I'm not, and it's not, and I need to let it go. She is not a force for good in my life.

I don't think I have linked to it, but there is this FABULOUS website called Tomato Nation. The woman who writes the site is a fantastic writer, terribly entertaining, and she writes an on-again, off-again advice column on the site (off again right now, I think). Her advice is generally really, really good, usually advising people to do something they already know they need to do. I've been spending way too much time reading through the archives, and one theme that is revisited over and over (and over!) again is this: you have to accept it when people don't want to associate with you. You have to learn to live without them by, well, living without them. It sucks and it hurts and you get through one day at a time without the person and after awhile it doesn't hurt as much.

It's not as acute for me as a romantic breakup, but it's a breakup nonetheless. Living without my friend is not that hard- I do it every day. Certainly it's not like there's any contact with her. I just wish I could skip the parts that hurt. I wish I could erase the hope in me that at some random point I'll see an email pop up from her. I wish I could let her go, realize that we're not going to be friends any more. Maybe it hurts also that it is now apparent that our friendship was pretty superficial to begin with. She meant a lot to me; me, not so much to her, I don't think.

I'd like to hope that posting this is my first step toward letting it all go.

Fair Warning

I have suddenly become completely swamped at work, so it may be Thanksgiving weekend before I post again, and maybe not even then, as I may be working over the holiday as well. If Caetlin does something really huge, I'll probably post something about it, but I can't even imagine what that might be right now. She's making huge verbal and physical strides right now, but it's not like she's speaking in complete sentences or anything. If that happens, I'll let you know.

By the way, Go Dawgs. Also, stupid Vanderbilt. And stupid Tennessee. Also, let's go Cats! If Kentucky beats Tennessee next week, Georgia wins the SEC East and goes to the SEC championship against LSU, and probably guarantees itself at least an at-large BCS bowl bid. It probably has that already, assuming it wins against Georgia Tech, but if it goes to the championship, that's even better. Although I was reading something this morning that was saying that maybe it's better for Georgia that Tennessee go to the SEC championship, as that would ensure a Sugar Bowl bid for the Dawgs. Listen, I don't pretend to understand the BCS, so just...Go Dawgs, is all I can say.

Anyway, assume I (and more importantly, the star of our show, Caetlin) am still alive, but it may be radio (internet?) silence for a couple of weeks. C has her 15 month appointment tomorrow, so maybe I'll try to post about those stats, but otherwise, I'll be working my buns off. Regular posting will resume when I can.

Saddest Character on Television

Tonight's is apparently the last episode of The Office, since the writers' strike hits the sitcoms the earliest. I have to say that Michael Scott is the saddest character on TV. He is constantly bagged on by the employees in Scranton, by the guys at Corporate, by Jan...and yeah, he deserves it some (most) of the time, but he has a good heart and truly cares about the company and about Jan.

That show has a whole "Tears of a Clown" thing happening that I find brilliant and pathetic and saddening on a weekly basis. The show is hilarious, but more than that, I find the sadness so much more affecting than on any drama.

Time Waster for a Good Cause

By the way, I ran across this game the other day, and while I don't think too deeply about whether it can actually do any good for world hunger, I find it ridiculously addictive. The thing I work on is boosting my level- there are 50 levels, and I've managed to make it and stay at level 44 for a couple of words. Then I had to, you know, work and all, so I had to quit.

Anyway, check it out for some word-nerd fun.

UPDATE: For a brief shining moment I was at level 49, then crashed down to earth. I seemed to burn out shortly after that. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day...for chasing that elusive 50.

Also, I totally underestimate how many words I sort of know, or can intuit the meaning of, because I read a lot. That's pretty cool. (In a terribly nerdy way.)

Still NOT Vacation Pictures

But totally more cuteness anyway.

New words are coming fast and furious lately, and her new word of a couple of days is "happy." We thought it was "apple," which is kind of random, since we're not a huge apple eating family. But a couple of days ago it resolved more clearly into "happy." We think she got it from "If You're Happy and You Know It," which we and her nanny sing to her. So she toddles around the house going, "Happy. Happy. Happy." It's seriously the cutest thing I have seen ever.

We have also taught her how to dance lately, and anything will get her wiggling, including Mommy's changing table renditions of "Itsy Bitsy Spider," Tchaikovsky's "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy," and Madonna's "Cherish." Also, this morning, when I brought her into our room to do her a.m. hang-out with Mommy and Daddy, she stood on the bed and held herself up by bracing on her dad, and started, I swear, booty bumping to the random R&B song that was on MTV. (I should clarify that MTV was on because Bruce was watching it and I had just brought Caetlin in; we switched to more baby-appropriate fare immediately after this hilarity.) It's hysterical when she dances, because it consists of a little shoulder-wiggle (well, unless she has Daddy for balance), and she gets so freaking pleased with herself. It's COMPLETELY adorable, and seriously, the cutest thing I have ever seen.

Also, she has discerned that Mommy is good for the cheap laughs of funny faces. She does this thing where she scrunches up her face and purses her lips, and then I do it back at her, and then she does it, and then I do it, and she laughs and laughs and laughs. It delights me so much to hear her laugh, I will be her monkey as long as she wants me to be. Because seriously- cutest thing I have ever seen.

Finally, remember that Mommy rendition of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" mentioned above? I do the hand motions with it when I can. She has started to ask for it by name, in the form of sign language- she puts her hands together and twists them back and forth. It took me a while before I realized what she was doing, and seriously?

Yeah, you know the rest.

New Words

I know I haven't posted about the vacation, and that's not changing today, I don't think, unless I get to it tonight. Also, maybe tomorrow afternoon.

But I did want to mention one new thing: Caetlin has a new word.

She's adding to her vocabulary of about 10 words almost daily; she can now say duck, dog, ball, hi, bye, button, sometimes butterfly, dada, and now finally, mama. She also can sign "more" pretty proficiently. She has also said nekko (sp? Bruce will have to fix that one), which is the Japanese word for cat.

There's no mistaking her newest one, though. We thought we heard it Thursday evening when she was fussing because she was tired and doesn't like to be still for diaper and clothes changes. Then, yesterday morning, in the same diaper-changing scenario, there was no mistaking it.

There, in the midst of her whining, her little voice piped up: "No."

She kind of draws out the N a bit: "Nnno."

Bruce started laughing hysterically, while I just shook my head. "It begins," I said to him in my doomiest and gloomiest voice.

I took her out to her nanny for breakfast, and while I was holding Caetlin and explaining about the new word, she struggled to get down from my arms and busted it out. "Nnno. Nnno. Nnno." Her nanny also burst into laughter. I guess the sound of that little baby voice saying "no" is really funny.

I don't think any of us will be laughing as she breaks that one in, though.

Back From Vacation

So, as I suspected, there was no internet access at the lovely cabin we rented in the wilds of north Georgia, so no blogging occurred. I'll post a longer telling of the week with more pictures, but the quick highlights:

-- I got the promised cold, but so very minorly, I didn't even have to take medicine. Hooray for zinc! I know it's not necessarily proven to work for everyone, but it sure did for me. I think I'll be pounding the Zicam next time Caetlin gets sick.

-- Bruce also got the promised cold, much worse than I did. Poor thing spent the whole trip hacking and sniffling.

-- The weather was absolutely PERFECT. We couldn't have asked for anything better. The first few days, it was even cloudless, but it never came close to raining or even really being overcast.

-- Though the fall colors were not as bright as they normally are, given the horrible drought we've been having, it was still quite pretty. And not lost on our California-bred friends, who observed, "It's all relative," when we bemoaned the skimpy fall. And then proceeded to "Oooh" and "Aaah" appropriately.

-- Caetlin and her "cousin" got along great, though Cousin K was a little rough with Caetlin. It's the age, though- she doesn't get that Caetlin can't quite corner very well yet.

I think this generally sums the week up the best, though.

More later.

As If On Cue

So, we're on vacation this week (which may mean more blogging, but it also may mean less). As if the director of our lives had said, "Roll illness," Caetlin woke with a cold Friday morning. It was a nasty one, too, where Friday she was a little stuffy, and Friday night she hardly slept because she could barely breathe. She slept a lot yesterday and has so far had a pretty decent night's sleep tonight, so I'm hoping she'll move through it quickly.

I am also taking Airborne, Zicam, vitamin C, sacrificing chickens, doing a wellness dance, and just generally praying that I won't get sick while on vacation. Caetlin can handle her illness with aplomb; she's still happy and has a great time walking around and playing, despite her runny nose. Me, not so much.

So, tomorrow we relocate with our dearest friends in the world, who brought their adorable daughter Saturday afternoon all the way from Los Angeles, to the mountain house that we have rented for the week. Blogging (if any) to resume on location in the mountains of north Georgia for the next week.

And if you have any extra chickens lying around- feel free to offer them up for my health, would you?

Mark Richt Is My Hero

Following up on that last post, I just have to say...

42 - 30, baby!!!

I was trying so hard not to care if we lost this game. But I have to say, I am ecstatic. Despite some refereeing that could have cost Georgia the game- what the heck was with the procedural call near the end of the first half that wiped out a big gain for a first down and made the Dawgs ultimately have to punt? It turned out to be inconsequential, but jeez, that was such a bogus call, among others- my beloved Bulldogs managed to demonstrate that without Tim Tebow at 100%, the Florida Gators are mere mortals.

I think the importance of the bye week can clearly not be overstated here. Everyone has made a big deal about Florida winning the last 15 out of 18, but it's worth mentioning that each time Florida has won, it has had a bye week the week prior. Each time Georgia has won, I believe we have had the bye a week prior. It almost makes me wish the scheduling could be arranged so that neither team (or both) could have byes before, since it clearly makes such a difference. I would like to see how the two teams might match up on more or less equal footing for awhile.

Still, I'll take it. GO DAWGS! SIC EM! WOOF WOOF WOOF!!

Go Dawgs!

So, in anticipation of this weekend's Georgia-Florida football game (also known as the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party), I present:

AN ODE TO GEORGIA GIRLS

Georgia girls have attitude.

Georgia girls are on the move.

Georgia girls are book smart.

Georgia girls are intellectually curious.

And finally, Georgia girls are just cute!

So, despite that we may get killed if Joe Stafford can't nut up and actually perform like he's capable of doing (shades of Quincy Carter, who was the original choke artist at Georgia), I still just have one thing to say about the game this weekend:


GO DAWGS!

Happy Birthday to My Dad

One of the kind of cool things about having a blog is being able to give a shout out to important people in my life. So, happy birthday, Dad!

In Which I Attempt Humor, And Decide That Pictures Will Have to Suffice, Since Clearly The Humor Ain't Working

I like to call this picture "C-Dawg Wuz Here."

Although I think a better gang name for her might be "C-Note." Because of the hundred dollar bill connection? And her name starts with C? Get it? Huh? Huh? Get it?

(Yeah, I just exposed myself as the whitest, non-gang-iest person on earth with that little vignette, right there.)

Anyway, this was playtime while her bath was running. For nothing other than your amusement (since the humor probably isn't rating high on the amusement scale), I give you a couple more pictures.

UPDATE: Bruce says he can't decide between C-Dawg and C-Note. He says he sees the appeal of C-Note, but C-Dawg might be more appropriate because "Dog!" is one of her words.

Him: "Yo yo yo what's up C-Dawg?? How's my homegirl doin' tonight?"
Her: "Dog!"

Either way, her gang colors are pink and, well, pink, and the members of her gang all wear Pampers Cruisers. We don't want none of that Huggies trash up in here.

(Yeah, still white and non-gang-ish. That's not changing.)

The Playground: A Photo Essay

Last weekend we went to the playground on Sunday afternoon. She was tired, having not taken her afternoon nap, but she enjoyed herself anyway. I brought the camera along and took a few pictures.

We started on the swings, which are her favorites.

Then we walked around a bit.



We stopped for a juice break. All that walking makes a girl thirsty!


Then time for the slide, her other favorite. She likes going down on her belly the best, since she goes faster that way.



We walked around some more, and played near the sandbox.

She was starting to get really tired by then, so we finished on the swings again.

In all, a great day at the playground.

People Can Be So Dumb

So, I've already stated my view of vaccines here. Now I read this story and I wonder what is wrong with people. Can they seriously claim that they think the vaccines are worse than the diseases they are intended to prevent? Really? Would they like to travel to third world countries and see people- mostly kids- suffering from and maybe dying of measles, or whooping cough? Do they want to go to the places where polio is still a problem and see children die and be crippled? Sorry for the hysterical tone of this, but the selfishness of these parents makes me so angry. I think something people may not understand is that vaccination only works when enough people do it. These selfish, idiot parents who choose not to vaccinate are free riders on the backs of me and so many other parents who are, you know, concerned about our children's health. If we all stopped vaccinating, guess what? These diseases come back. For everyone. So by failing to vaccinate, they are putting my kid at risk, not just their own. (Which, I mean, really, why again would you not want to keep your child safe from these potentially deadly diseases? Autism? Based on completely disproven research which has been disavowed by its authors?? Idiots.)

The thing that boggled my mind, though, was the very end of the article, when a pediatrician is on record as encouraging the parents of her charges to take a philosophical objection to vaccines. Wow, that seems to be almost complaint-worthy to the Massachusetts medical board to me. At the very least, it violates "First, do no harm." I guess I'm just flabbergasted that there is a pediatrician willing to go on record as encouraging failure to vaccinate. Like I said, it's irresponsible at best, and malpractice at worst. Also crazy. Really insane.

I think I'm not really cut out to be a typical Yuppie, since not vaccinating is the trendy thing right now. I think I just care about the health of my daughter too much. I'm really concerned about sending her to preschool; I bet there is no way to know how many of her classmates aren't vaccinated.

I Am So Glad They Caught That Poopyhead

Forgive the G-rated names I'm tossing around here. I'm making a concerted effort to rein in my potty mouth. Now that we have a daughter who pretty clearly is listening, if not always able to imitate yet, I think I'd rather not have swear words be in the first 10 words she learns. I still have to work on Bruce, who doesn't realize he says these things so casually.

Anyway, I am SO glad they caught this guy. This story horrified me in so many ways (I am a little ashamed to realize that I probably wouldn't have been as horrified if I didn't have children). I think the worst part of it to me is that the poor baby's mom didn't know, that it apparently happened while the mom was at work and trusting her roommate to watch her daughter. Stiles was the roommate's boyfriend at the time.

(Okay, I'm going to step back a minute here to ask a question...what is WRONG with the roommate?? Both for letting this happen, and for STAYING with a man who clearly likes little girls, and not in the "she's only 15, but she's all woman to me" kind of way, he likes really little girls. What is WRONG with her??)

Anyway, my heart breaks for that child and her mother, and I rejoiced with a terrible feeling of vengeance when I heard they caught him. He deserves whatever he gets, and if he is prison with the general population, I hope they don't kill him. Only make his life as bad as that little girl's was.

Random Observations from the Big Apple

So, I'm here on location in NYC. I've been here since early yesterday morning, and I'll be leaving tomorrow afternoon. I love the city, but I am so ready to be home to my baby and husband.

So, after a couple of hours of TV and a half a bottle of wine for which I overpaid through the nose by ordering it through room service, I am capable only of random observations at this point.

Random Observation #1: Women's Murder Club might be the worst title for a TV show ever.

Random Observation #2: Dirty Sexy Money is ridiculously entertaining, emphasis on the ridiculous. It's more soapy than the hands of a toddler who's just been introduced to the joy of hand soap. I had it on because I wanted something silly- I was more right on the money than I ever could have imagined.

Random Observation #3: There is a seriously strange story on the local news that a woman was found dead in her apartment in the Bronx, while an apparent suicide on subway tracks was found with her name in his pocket. Bizarre.

Random Observation #4: I am maybe not the world's worst over-packer, but I am overly cautious. I tend to pack 11 pairs of underwear for an 8 day trip. I pack for every possible weather condition, and for every possible social situation (okay, not for semi-formal events, but pretty close). I try to make things do double duty to lighten the load, but I am usually prepared. Of course, the time that I decide to pack just what I need and no more (only because I was packing while I was tired, and didn't think to bring more) is the time that I am required to stay an extra day. I will be turning a pair of my underwear inside out tomorrow. I have also had to purchase a new shirt to go under my suit. It's out of the question to wear the other suit- it's terribly dirty and may smell less than fresh.

Random Observation #5: I can't wait for Elizabeth: The Golden Age. I am so stoked to see that movie. I think Bruce and I may get babysitting this weekend to go see it.

Random Observation #6: I miss my husband and daughter so much it hurts. I enjoy the city and I love my work, but I miss holding my baby girl, and I miss snuggling with my sweetie. I miss hearing and talking to and seeing them both, kissing them and feeling the touch of their hands.

And now, the half a bottle of wine is telling me to shut up and go to sleep.

Movies: The Kingdom

Hello folks, we're on location from sunny California, where my brother is managing to get married today. I was able to get some good sleep last night, and the time difference has allowed me to wake up early enough to do a little (probably very little) posting.

Last weekend Bruce and I went to see The Kingdom, which I had been looking forward to for awhile. It looked to have a great cast and was very timely. I will say that the relationship we as a country have with Saudi Arabia scares me; I'm not at all confident that there isn't a sizeable portion of people there who want to kill us, but the leaders and diplomats work together and smile and talk out of both sides of their mouths- it all swirls together in an uneasy, oily mess that will be difficult to untangle until we can develop new energy sources.

Anyway, the movie, stars (on the American side, though I will say that the Saudi cast, especially Ashraf Barhom, who plays the lead Saudi investigator, is excellent), Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman (who knew he didn't have to be funny?) and Chris Cooper. This is a cast that I love love love- Jennifer Garner is so awesome and Jamie Foxx appears to get better in everything he does. Quick plot summary: four FBI investigators more or less scam their way into Saudi Arabia after a brutal terrorist attack on American oil workers to investigate the crime. Hamstrung by the politics of the situation, they work to do their jobs and solve the murders. It devolves into a reasonably formulaic bang-bang-shoot-em-up at the end.

I have to say that I pretty much agree with the linked NY Times review. It works out more like a CSI episode through most of the picture, which is interesting and entertaining; and the movie does not spend a lot of time contemplating the strange relationship we have with Saudi Arabia or any of the broader issues we have in the Middle East. It is a fast paced tense action/crime movie that moves along well, whose cast does a great job.

It suffers from a few plot holes and implausibilities. But the action is terrific- I was totally on the edge of my seat near the end- and the terrorist attack was truly awful. I flinched a couple of times (I find that my capacity for watching violence, particularly violence on innocent people, children, etc., has gone way down since I've had my daughter. I'm just too empathetic).

So, in all, a pretty good movie. Worth the $19.50 we spent for it.

However.

The last five minutes ruined the experience of seeing the movie for me. The last five minutes included a coda that was some kind of moral-equivalence bullshit that drew a direct parallel between the American FBI investigators and the people who carried out the terrorist attack. Is this what Hollywood thinks we are? We can argue about the presence of our military in Iraq, but I think we can agree that they are clearly uniformed soldiers rather than trying to blend in to wreak more havoc, and also, that they aren't specifically targeting civilians in guerrilla attacks, right? So where is the parallel? Also, I haven't seen any news of American terrorist attacks (in the true sense of terrorist attack- attacking innocents to create fear- again, not Iraq) lately. It was almost like the movie felt it had to say something Deep and Meaningful about the Middle East situation, when in fact the film stood on its own really well as a self-contained tense crime/action movie that only implicated the politics of the Middle East by the plot turns involving problems of access and with the subject matter of the movie. That would have been enough, Mr. Berg!

Anyway, after a few days, I can say that overall I enjoyed the movie, but I remain disgusted with whatever message the filmmakers were trying to send. Jeez, I'm no Red-Stater type person, but I was offended by the parallels the movie drew. I wouldn't say it ruined the movie for me, but it definitely took it way down. I would still recommend it as an entertaining matinee sort of movie. Watch for the title sequence, which is one of the better ones I've seen in awhile.

Insomnia Sucks

Ladies and gentlemen, please note the time. Note that I have been awake for an hour and a half. Also note that I need to be up in 2.5 hours to do work. I am considering just doing my work now, except I will have to be asked 400 times why I was up at this hour.

I can't sleep. It sucks, and it's not like me. Normally I am the sleeping champ. Part of it is a ferocious headache that feels like one part sinuses, one part neck pain (maybe from bad pillows?), and one part stress. Advil has made it better but not gone entirely. You know what would make it better entirely? Sleep.

Also, I have a looong day ahead, as I have a late flight to LA tonight for my brother's wedding, and then a 45 mile drive to the hotel from LAX. Score.

How horrible no sleep is! I have never experienced being unable to sleep like this. I'm going to try again- wish me luck.

UPDATE: Surprisingly, went back to sleep right away. I wonder how long I spent watching TV and feeling awake when I could have gone back to sleep. Getting up was rough- I slept an extra hour but there are things I must get done before work this morning so that there are emails waiting for people when they get in. Thus, 6:10 and I'm awake again. Maybe I can sleep on the plane. Who am I kidding?? I never sleep on the plane.

Weekend Roundup

We had a VERY busy weekend, which is why no posts. Let's see...we spent what seemed like half the day on Saturday either grocery shopping or trying to get Caetlin to sleep. She woke up really early and was consequently cranky and tired, and also, unwilling to nap. After the monster trip to Kroger, while Bruce took charge of the napping, I did some shopping at Target and Macy's. Then lunch, playground, and for me, a visit the optometrist- waaayyy overdue. We had company in the afternoon for a short visit, and the babysitter came at 5:30, for us to escape for movie and dinner.

We saw The Kingdom, which I had been looking forward to, and went to a bar for dinner and to watch the Florida-Auburn game. We left when Florida tied it up in the 4th quarter, since I figured it was over- Florida was going to overcome. Boy did that turn out to be a poor decision! We also did more grocery shopping for things we forgot while shopping that morning. Romance, thy name is Kroger on a Saturday night.

We stayed out too late, and Sunday we were up early for church. A co-worker-beginning-to-be-friend recommended the church they attend, specifically the 9 am Mass that has lots of kids. We sat in the back so we could make a quick exit if necessary, but even if it had been necessary (it wasn't- I was so proud of how good she was!), it wouldn't have mattered because there were so many kids there. Including some loud and disruptive kids. So it was great, and I liked the place very much. We intend to begin going regularly.

We drove around after church, since Caetlin was droopy and it was such a pretty day. She napped for an hour, and then it was home, where she ate lunch for 45 minuted or so, astounding her father and making him worry that he hasn't been feeding her enough. (I've teased him unmercifully about this.) She just kept eating, and eating, and eating. A plate of chicken and tomatoes and grapes. A full cup or so of cottage cheese. A serving of mashed potatoes. A yogurt. A bowl of oatmeal. She finally lost steam on that last about halfway through, and when we pulled her from the high chair, her little belly was all pooched out and huge. She then proceeded to burp in my face.

Then it was off to the North Georgia State Fair, where I ate a corn dog and fries and funnel cake, and reveled in the greasy nostalgia of it all. (I regretted the grease later.) Caetlin took the fair in, not really exactly happy or excited by it, but taking it all in. She seemed to find the animals interesting. Myself, I found the people interesting. It was all very familiar to me from when I was a kid- the fair was the highlight of the fall. The rides, the food, the carnies, the games- it was neat to go see it and remember it from so long ago. It's probably been 15 years since I've been to a fair.

Then home, for a nap (which she didn't take), playground for a few minutes, dinner, bath and bedtime. She slept well that night, which was good. Bruce cooked while I did dishes, and laundry, and finally, finally, we collapsed in front of the TV.

There will be more thoughtful posts soon; I had the aforementioned busy weekend, and yesterday was a busy day, but I hope to be able to post a review of The Kingdom, some thoughts about Babble and parenting, some life changes, or really attitude adjustments that Bruce and I are making, and a new photo policy here, sometime this week and maybe this evening.

Bitter, Bitter, Bitter

So, Caetlin's runny nose, etc., that I posted about a couple of days ago? The one where I was saying it was either a cold or a ragweed allergy? Yeah, I know which one it is now. Want to know how I know?

I can't catch a fargin' allergy!

Also, she's getting better. Which is good. I mean, yay for her. Really.

All kidding aside, I am happy that she's getting better, but it's hard not to feel a teensy bit annoyed that I have caught it again. I was trying to be so careful, but she sneezed in the immediate vicinity of my face a couple of times, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I am glad it's not an allergy.

But, I mean, really, can't it not be contagious? Just this once?

Are You Kidding Me??

So, I love my husband really more than just about anything- he and Caetlin are 1 and 1(a) in my list. So, it is with all love and affection that I state that he hates me tonight. I can think of no other explanation why, when I am tossing and turning in the throes of a terrible bout of insomnia, he would snore like a bleeding lawnmower, and the very minute I throw in the towel and decide to get up and work already, he rolls over and falls utterly silent.

This is not a man who snores very often, and usually I can poke him and he'll roll over and that will be the end of it. Not this night. Not during these last 2 hours that I've been awake and trying to sleep. My pokes, and his subsequent rolls, did nothing but change the pitch and tenor of the nasal symphony.

He must hate me. It's payback for me asking him to turn off Family Guy when I was trying to fall asleep since the TV was bothering me (an unusual occurrence- normally I drop off and stay asleep with no problem).

Let me say, sweetie, that I do not appreciate this. Not one bit. I mean, the uncharacteristic snoring, fine, whatever, but to immediately fall silent when I get up to at least be productive with my waking hours?? That's just mean. That's just salt in the wound.

Can someone help me pull that sharp thing out from between my shoulder blades? I can't quite reach it. Whatever it is.

Movie Review: Good Luck Chuck

Bruce and I went to see Good Luck Chuck last night. Okay, the linked review is from the NY Times, and I have to say, wow, that critic is seriously snooty. Were the ad hominem attacks on Dane Cook and Jessica Alba really that necessary? (Never thought I would actually defend Jessica Alba, but really.) I will absolutely agree that the movie wasn't fantastic, but I enjoyed it anyway, in a brainless sort of way. I guess the reviewer might think that one should never go to see movies for mindless entertainment, that there should be something deeper to appreciate in every movie. I disagree, since all I wanted was to turn my brain off for an hour and a half and maybe laugh a little bit.

Which I did. Some of the humor is very tasteless, and I found the fat jokes to be really uncomfortably humiliating for the actress, but the movie also is charming in a way I didn't expect. Dane Cook is adorable in his worship of Jessica Alba, and she's cute as can be. And there are some genuinely funny bits.

This is not High Cinema, understand. I wouldn't even call it a good movie. But it was worth my 95 minutes and my $20, and I laughed some and actually laughed really hard at some pieces. It's pretty raunchy, which surprised me a little- I think I was expecting a PG-13 movie, and got an R movie (nothing wrong with that, though). But it's also very sweet in places. As good as Knocked Up? Nope. Superbad? Nuh-uh. Entertaining? Yep. Sometimes that's all you really want out of a night out.

Besides, since The Kingdom and Into the Wild didn't open this week, there wasn't much else to go see.

Weekend Roundup

So, I haven't posted at all this week, because seriously, nothing happened. Nothing. At least, nothing interesting enough to write about.

The weekend hasn't been terribly exciting either, though certainly more interesting than the week. Yesterday I went here and had the Four Seasons Signature Treatment, which was absolutely fabulous (it was a birthday present to myself). Then I went and had my hair cut, and went shopping for Caetlin. Children's Place is having a great sale, and since Bruce and I are working on saving money and being more frugal, sales are what it is all about around here. I stocked up her fall wardrobe relatively cheaply.

Bruce and I went out to the movies last night; more on that later. Caetlin is sick again (or possibly has a bad ragweed allergy, since the ragweed is awful right now; I'm hoping for cold instead of allergy), and she was kind of cranky, so it was nice to leave her with the babysitter. She's been much happier today, though.

My beloved Georgia Bulldogs rolled over the Alabama Crimson Tide last night, and I watched it when I got home from the movies, at least as much of it as my TiVo deigned to record. Stupid TiVo! I ended up not getting most of the 4th quarter or the overtime. Still, we won! I was concerned about this game. My friend Beth was planning to be at the game- LUCKY! Anyway, I love how the linked article talked about slightly tarnishing the scary cult-like reputation Nick Saban has gotten in Alabama. He's a great coach, no doubt, but he's NOT the Second Coming of Bear Bryant, not yet, anyway. (Best quote: "With the stadium rocking, Georgia took the opening kickoff and served a 10-play, 70-yard cup of shut-up to the Tide faithful.")

Today, after a lazy morning, we all piled into the car for a trip to the Dekalb Farmer's Market. I was entranced, even though it was a madhouse. Given my quest to eat healthier and cook more, this was a great find, and may end up being cheaper than the grocery, especially for nicer produce. We had been told about it by several folks but had never been. We ate lunch in the restaurant, and Caetlin, who had already had lunch at that time, ate most of Daddy's mac and cheese, plus some of his chicken and some of his broccoli and steak fries. She had a hilariously full belly when we left.

She's down for a nap now (not asleep, though, nearly an hour after she has been put down), and maybe we'll go to the park when she wakes up, or maybe we'll just hang at the house. I have to work this evening. Then, back to work tomorrow. We are officially off business casual tomorrow, which sucks completely. The hope is that a permanent policy change is in the works.

Anyway, that's about it for the week. I told you nothing happened this week worth writing about!

Happy Birthday to Me

So, last Monday was my birthday. Yes, thank you, thank you. I love birthdays, and I love being made a fuss over on my birthday. Which is why last year, my 30th birthday, was one of the worse ever. It was the day after my cousin's wedding in D.C., to which we had brought Caetlin so we could display her to the family, a real "Circle of Life" thing. She was only 3 weeks old, nursing like every couple of hours, we still weren't sleeping much. I was still bleeding, or maybe had just barely stopped. The day of my birthday was the day we drove back, and we spent several hours driving through Bruce's old stomping grounds in southern Maryland, pretending like we were road tripping like we used to pre-child. But we pushed it too long, and Caetlin fussed the last 45 minutes or so of the trip. I hated it for her, I felt so terrible that we made her unhappy.


So, woo, that was my 30th birthday. Completely overshadowed by my cousin's wedding and my own baby girl.

This year was similarly low-key, though without me feeling totally overlooked. I played volleyball with an intramural team from the firm, and Bruce cooked me dinner (which was fantastically tasty, I must say). Bruce also got me a Nintendo DS, since I have totally bogarted his since I bought it for him. Mine is pink and has been christened "Pinky." (Original, I know.)

This weekend I went back up to Charlotte; my friend Beth's birthday is the day after mine and she had a birthday/housewarming party for her new house and I made the quick trip up last evening. It was so good to see her, even if we didn't have a whole lot of time hanging out. I also miss Charlotte so damn bad. I listened to a good chunk of the Panthers game on the radio, and I just miss the team, the place, everything about it.


I drove back sooner than I wished, but still didn't get back until 4:30 this afternoon, and I've hung out with Caetlin and Bruce until now. I need to work- I have several hours of work to do this evening that I should have started already.

BUT: Bruce also got me this rad new camera, which I'm learning how to use. He's so wonderful- he remembered that I wanted a nice camera and how much I loved my photojournalism class in college. You can't judge the quality of the camera by the quality of the pictures here, but here are a couple of Caetlin at dinner time, where she was being a big girl (if a tired big girl, since she failed to take her afternoon nap today) and eating her food. One thing, though- she doesn't chew as well as she should, so she's constantly swallowing pieces that are too big, and making me crazy that she's going to choke. However, she has like three or four teeth coming in, so soon it will be easier than ever to chew better than before. As an aside, the one thing that has driven home to me that she's becoming toddler/little kid as opposed to baby is the visible-when-she-smiles appearance of teeth other than those in the bottom center. It kind of freaks me out, and I have no idea how she will look with a mouthful of teeth.


Anyway, here's new pictures tonight.

Comments

I hadn't realized that I wasn't allowing anonymous comments until I commented myself recently. So I fixed that- all you folks who don't have a Blogger or Google account can comment if you want to. You'll still have to do the word verification; sorry if that's a hassle, but I don't want to deal with comment spam. If it gets too difficult to get through the verification, we can turn it off and see what happens.

Comment away!

Best Wake Up Ever

I forgot to mention last night that Caetlin has started saying "Hi!" It comes from me- I get her almost every morning, and when I walk in, I give her a great big, "HI!" with a special swoopy intonation that somehow seems to fit her. Sometime in the last couple of weeks, she started saying it. With the exact same swoopy intonation. And she seems to know it's a greeting- she usually says it when she first sees someone, even if she says it multiple times. Always with a huge smile on her face, too.

It's totally the best to be greeted in the morning with "Hi!" right back at me. At the same time, it's a little freaky to hear it coming out of her mouth the exact same way I say it. I think of the things I do and say that sound just like my parents, and I think: it's beginning to be that way for her.

Good gracious, I hope I can mold her into a good and likeable person! I think giving her a big friendly "Hi!" to say might be a good way to start.

Next Up- Dead Kittens!!

Just thought I should lighten the mood after that last post. Here, I know what will make you feel better:

It always makes ME feel better, anyway.

Not to Be a Downer, But...

My husband told me about this story this morning, and it has haunted me all day. He didn't find the WaPo article, which sanitizes the story somewhat, and the other details included in other places just won't leave me. As a parent, especially of a little girl, I just...can't fathom how anyone could do such a thing. Period. And then for other people to enjoy seeing it...sickens me. And makes me so afraid for my baby girl. I have to stop myself picturing those poor children, or it makes me cry. And really, I don't need anything to make my sinuses more inflamed right now. (I kid, but it is really me trying to rinse the horror taste out of my mouth, so to speak. Whistling in the dark.)

Did we make a mistake bringing such a shining light as our daughter in the world? If there are people out there who could do this?

These are things that keep me up at night. I mean, I almost didn't post this, this being a happy-go-lucky family blog type thing, but I couldn't not write about it, it was troubling me so much. It's made me feel better to write about it, and I'm sorry if it disturbs some of you.

Random Roundup

So, to finish the news from the week:


-We have gone entirely off the bottle as of this weekend. Indeed, today was the very first bottle-free day (well, since the days of exclusive breastfeeding, which has been awhile). She's only been having two bottles a day anyway, so it's not like this is really that big a deal, but in so many other ways, it IS a big deal. She's so quickly growing out of being my little baby, the tiny curled up creature who came home from the hospital with Bruce and me a little over a year ago. Indeed, she's walking- sort of- and talking- sort of- and definitely growing into her own personality. Her being off the bottle feels like one more milestone in the inevitable and inexorable progression into toddlerhood. And, I have to say, it's nice just having to deal with sippy cups, and not nipples and bottles and liners anymore. Much easier.


-However, as things get easier, they also get harder. We've moved into a toddler-like tantrum phase lately, where she gets pissy and whiny and fussy at the smallest things. For example, she was bored in the back seat of the car when we went out, so she fussed and pissed and moaned. She didn't like her toys, she didn't want her cup, it all sucked! She calmed down eventually, but this is new for us. She used to be okay just looking out the window. And she had like a 20 minute afternoon nap, so when we got her home and tried to feed her dinner, she pushed it away and just melted down entirely. Too tired to eat, and I knew she was going to be too hungry to stay asleep. So we put her down for a nap- at 6:45, a nap!- and then fed her when she woke up at 7:30. With bath and everything, she didn't go down until after 8. I'm sure she's still not feeling 100% from being sick, and I think she's teething, but also, she's becoming a toddler, with all the moods. Yippee.

-I should have said is definitely teething, because we can see at least one more tooth on the bottom, and I'm pretty sure I saw a second new one coming in up top. We have teeth pooping out all over! That would make 6 whole teeth.


-The bridesmaid dress I'm to wear in my brother's wedding will now cost approximately triple the amount it cost to buy it, with the major alterations it is taking to make it fit. It's far more than the tailor originally quoted, but I think when he started pinning, it just got more and more complicated. And even if I had ordered the size up, it would still have been a mess, since strapless dresses just don't fit me and always need alterations (they don't look good on me either, but that's a different story), plus a bigger size would have needed the length taken up, which, because of the hemline, would have been an involved process as well. So, basically, there is no incarnation of that dress that would have even approximated fitting me without major alterations. Sigh.


-OH! We sold our evil old house in Charlotte this week!! YAY! As Bruce said, "Goodbye, house. Go crush someone else's dreams." Seriously, we had bad juju with that house, which extended to the sale itself- the buyers totally took advantage of us, which our horrible realtor allowed and even, in some cases, facilitated. She was awful- she never copied me on any emails, even after Bruce specifically requested her to multiple times. Even sometimes she would respond to Bruce after I emailed her, and wouldn't copy me. Bitch. I gave her what-for in a couple of emails near the end, and when she responded, she made sure to copy Bruce on those. So she does know what that little "cc:" box means! But still- YAY for selling the house! It makes our financial outlook much more flexible not to have to worry about carrying that house.


-That said, we gave our nanny a raise this week, and extra $50 per week. She deserves it.


I will leave you with this picture of Caetlin "walking" with Daddy at the park this afternoon. She's not great in the shoes (heck, she's not great at walking, period), but she walked holding his hand. The T-shirt, a gift from her grandfather who works at NASA, says, "Houston, we have an emergency...check diaper system!" It makes me laugh every time I pull it out of her dresser. Sorry about the date on the picture- every time the batteries wind down in the camera, the date re-sets itself, and I didn't notice it this time.

She's getting SO BIG!

The Stuffy Nose of Death. Or, How I Learned to Love Snot.

So, Tuesday morning, Caetlin woke up with a cold. She had been cranky the night before, and as I mentioned previously, my brother-in-law's niece was sick. (We went over to their house without knowing there was a sick child. Must remember to ask sister Every Time we plan to go over there whether someone is sick, since this is the second time Caetlin has gotten sick from that household.) Not much fever, but drippy nose and poor snorty sounds when she tried to suck on her paci at night.

I lifted her out of her crib on Tuesday morning- she's her cheery self as usual, but I see the tell-tale crust on her top lip. Then, without warning, she sneezes. In my face. I give up my health for lost.

We've gotten really good at applying all the smelly stuff, plus saline- they sell a can with a long thin nozzle that points up, so it's a little like applying W-D-40 to your kid. We have the nightlight that emits smelly stuff, the baby Vicks, the smelly bathwash that is hard on her skin. I've read so much about how the cold medicine for babies is really easy to OD on and doesn't do much for them anyway, so I haven't gone that route. We have one end of her crib propped up on books- she persists in sleeping at the other end, but the night we took the books out as a bad job, she slept worse and kept waking up, so back they went, even though she seems to sleep in basically the worst possible position for sinus drainage.

She has remained pretty happy during the day, with some meltdowns in the evenings, as she is not getting the extra sleep I'm sure she needs. It breaks my heart when she's so inconsolable, even though I know she just needs sleep.

So, late Wednesday, I notice a scratchiness in my throat, a swampiness in my sinuses. Yes, I too have the Stuffy Nose of Death. And is it ever- either tonight or tomorrow will be the worst night, the one where I just can't breathe, even though I'll be propped up on a sofa cushion to keep me as close to upright as possible, because let's face it, upright isn't even really doing all that much for me right now.

We had a recruiting dinner last night with a really fabulous couple- she is the candidate, and I hope she gets an offer. Bruce and I will try to get in touch with them at some point and see if they can become couple friends. We need some of those, and these guys were painfully fantastic. But I had a tough time enjoying my food, since my tastebuds were somewhat off (not as off as they are now). The glass of wine and rich food plus post-nasal drip also made for a yucky tummy all night long. I also had to get up early and work, since I've been more or less behind the eight-ball with one project at work all week (I should have worked on it over the weekend, but hello! Cleaning!), and my procrastination had put me way behind on another project as well. So I stumbled out to the living room this morning, got a bunch of stuff done, came back to bed, determined I would work at home this morning so I didn't have to shower...and was promptly awakened by the yard guys. At 7-frickin'-30 a.m. They also woke Caetlin, who I thought might get some good sleep this morning, as the congestion seems to be breaking.

7:30 is too early for lawn guys running various impossible-to-sleep-through motors immediately outside one's window. It sucked, and the service isn't even ours, so we can't exactly tell them to come back later.

So I'm ending the day more or less where I started it- in bed, in front of the computer. Same roll of toilet paper I'm abusing my nose with. Same Blackberry by my side in case someone needs me (less likely tonight, I think, than this morning). Same congestion, same snot. Same awesome, in other words.

I have a bunch more stuff to write about this week, but I'm starting to do that thing where I type from behind closed eyelids, which is never good for anyone. Wish me luck that I can get some rest.

Labor Day! Filled With...Labor!

So, over the long weekend, I cleaned the house. WOO-HOO! No seriously, you have no idea. I spent three days ridding the house (okay, paring down a lot in the areas we live in) of clutter. Yep, the accumulated mail, the random books and knick-knacks and stuff that seemed to have no place, the stuff that could be thrown away, which was so much more than I would have guessed- it all went away. We bought a couple of clutter-cleaning devices (stackable containers for the dog and cat food, baskets for Caetlin's small toys that tend to fall to the bottom of her toy chest), and generally cleaned the hell out of the house. Lots of laundry, too. Then the actual cleaners came on Wednesday to take care of the dirt- not my strong suit- and voila! Clean house, if not entirely clutter and cat-scent free (that last is the result of a serious cat box issue in the basement. I'm working on getting to it). But so much better than it was. And I think I can more or less keep it that way, too, which is a great feeling.

Over the weekend we also visited my sister, because my brother-in-law's sister and mom and niece were in town (oh she of the contagious infectious miserable germs- more on that later) and because it was my nephew's 18th birthday. We also grocery shopped and moved Caetlin to an entirely new level of food- almost no baby food, only a few stage 3s. She has 4 teeth now; it's high time she learn to chew like a proper adult! Kidding, of course, but it's a big deal to me that she is almost all the way off baby food. We've moved into the Gerber Graduates, which I hate but can't find an organic alternative. And it is sort of sized right for the kid to eat.

(I pause to note that I don't care much about organic stuff for myself, but I guess I want to keep Caetlin's body as unsullied by artificial whatever as possible. Not that I think it's horrible, but I figure she has an entire lifetime to eat crappy food, so I'd like to not start that on my watch. Not that the Graduates stuff is terribly unhealthy, though it- as is typical with pre-packaged food- is loaded with salt. I wish I cooked more. It's something I want to work on.)

We also moved entirely to whole milk at some point in the last two weeks, which means no more formula!

Over the weekend, we also took Caetlin to the playground and watched her enjoy it when Daddy would grab the swing and stop it just before she swung forward, leaving her hanging more or less in midair looking at the ground. She thought that was awesome.

That was pretty much it. Then back to work-ugh-on Tuesday. Tuesday morning also brought...the Stuffy Nose of Death.

Your Call Is Important to Us. Please Hold On. Someone Will Be With You Shortly.

I promise I will post this weekend. It's been a busy week, and I'm sick (cough wheeze), and we had a recruiting dinner to go to, and I actually have work this week, and blah blah excuses-cakes. (sneeze) I'll post soon, maybe tonight. Hey, I think about posting all the time- that counts, right?

Anyway, more later about the aforementioned busy week. Plus probably some pictures of the kid. Because it's been awhile. Because she's cute. Just because.

(hack)

Nanny-ness

The good folks at Babble have taken on the nanny discussion over the last couple of weeks (er, excuse me, the childcaregiver discussion, or the babysitter discussion, according to the article here), and as someone who has had a nanny (childcaregiver? babysitter? I'm going to stick with nanny, and I'll tell you why in a minute) since Caetlin was three months old and I went back to work, this is a subject near and dear to my heart. Or at the very least, interesting and of vital personal relevance to me.

First, the terminology issue. Notwithstanding the article, I do and will continue to call my nanny a nanny. I don't think she minds, as she's not West Indian and doesn't have the "vagina" association with the word "nanny." I personally don't mind caregiver, as I think that's more apropos of what she does for us, but it's a little cumbersome and stuffy. The thing about nanny versus babysitter, though...one of the comments to the article states: "Meh. I worked as a "nanny" during the summers when I was in university, and while the term didn't offend me, per se, I realized that people's fondness for using it generally rose in direct proportion to how pretentious they were. Unless the person providing your childcare has (1) an English accent, (2) a carpetbag, and (3) an umbrella that lets him/her fly away with the West Wind, it's BABYSITTING, people." I have a real issue with that characterization, first because I'm pretty sure I'm not especially pretentious about it (that commenter also wrote "in university" which makes me think they are English, so maybe it's pretentious in England to say "nanny"). But more importantly, in my mind, a nanny is permanent, while a sitter just minds the children for a few hours, maybe so parents can have a date night or whatever. Nanny connotes something so much more permanent and professional to me, and my nanny has certainly earned my respect enough to call her by a title that suggests her professionalism to me. I have to note that it would be different if she ever asked me not to call her nanny; I definitely don't care enough to impose my connotations on her if she has different ones. But for now, nanny is a mark of respect from me.

One other thing about that article that I immediately wondered- had any of the nannies mentioned ever asked their employers not to call them nanny? I didn't get that sense from reading the article, only a sense of being overwhelmingly wronged on a daily basis by the parents for whom they worked. I can't speak for every nanny employer, but I know I want to foster an environment of respect and happiness in my home, and my nanny is included in that in a big way. If I have ever offended my nanny, it was completely unintentional, and if my nanny thought I was being unfair with her, she should feel comfortable enough to speak up. The article had a sense that the caregivers were long aggrieved, and I would like to hope that no nanny who ever works with me would feel this way.

Second, and somewhat relatedly, we get this discussion board from Babycenter about whether a woman who employs a nanny who brings her one year old daughter to work should have to feed both the nanny and the daughter. Overwhelmingly, the responses are some variation of, "What are you, cheap? Feed the people already!"

Now, here's the thing. It never occurred to me to feed my nanny. I guess I think of it as her job, and no job I've ever had provided or paid for my lunch for me. Even the crappy jobs paying way less than what I pay my nanny (because some of the comments run along the lines of, "Unless she's compensated accordingly, you should feed her."). If someone makes this point on the board, other people jump in with, "But it's not just a job! She's taking care of the most precious part of your life! Do what you must to make her happy!" Which I agree with to a point- you should try to keep one's nanny happy if you appreciate them and think they do a great job with your child. But whether she is worth keeping happy is a very different issue, to my mind, than whether she is entitled to lunches as a matter of employment. There was also the issue that the nanny in the question was bringing her one year old daughter to work with her. I certainly wouldn't think that the employer would mind feeding the child, but no one seemed to recognize that the employer had already done quite a lot by allowing the nanny to bring the baby.

Let me say that I would not hesitate to feed my nanny, if she requested it. It's one of those, "To keep her happy" things, though. As I said, I've never had a job that paid for or provided food, even fast food jobs. I just am not positive that it should be a recognized perk. Is that me? And it disturbed me how many posters on the board seemed to think the parents were completely out of line for even questioning it.

I have to say, the nanny-employer relationship is one on which I've given a lot of thought, and I probably will write about it again soon. This was a great book for getting me thinking about it in the first place. It always makes me nervous that I'm doing or saying something wrong, but I generally just trust that my genuine respect for her will win the day, along with my hope that she will say something to me if I do or say something that upsets or offends her. I also hope she will ascribe good motives to me, will give me the benefit of the doubt. I trust her implicitly; I mean, I let her take my daughter where ever she wants to go, I let her have full run of my house- she has access to everything that is dear to me. I wouldn't do that if I didn't have the utmost respect for her. I hope she knows that.