Was That You?

I could swear I saw my old boyfriend coming out of the Arts Center MARTA station today when I was on my way in. He looked so much like him, except he was taller than I remember him, though my memory could just be playing tricks on me and making me remember him the same height as Bruce, since they are about the same build. If it was him, he's grown his hair back out and let it go all curly frizzy crazy. If it was him, he's put on weight.

If it was him, did he remember me? I looked straight into his eyes as we passed. I don't look that different, do I? I've changed my hair color and style, but not THAT much. I've put on some weight, but who hasn't? I still look like me, right? Would he recognize me if we passed on the street?

It's not unheard of that we might run into each other, I suppose. He moved to Atlanta after college, and started on a tech career right before the bottom dropped out of the tech industry. His Google trail grows cold after that, I'm afraid, though Yahoo people search had a listing for him in Atlanta last time I checked. No one I know from college is still in touch with him, I don't think.

After I saw pseudo-college boyfriend tonight, I went downstairs and stood by the track and ended up facing the wrong way, not looking down the track for my train. I realized I was looking up the stairs to see if he followed me back in. If he did, I didn't see him.

I wish I had a way of knowing he was all right. I hurt him badly, and he is a good person, and I wish I could have spared him that. It was right that we broke up- I went on to do all that I have done, have a ridiculously good marriage and a ridiculously sweet child whom I adore, and a ridiculously satisfying career at which I make a good living. In some parallel universe, several universes over, I stayed with him. What happened to me in that other universe? I can never know, but I'm happy not to find out. I just wish I could know what happened to him, and be satisfied that he's happy now. We did have some good times, after all.

There's no reason whatsoever that he would be, but Smashley (which [not real] name got broadcast all over Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in an incident which my Alaskan friend may remember), if you're out there and happen to find this, know that I hope you're okay. I Google you every so often. I won't ever contact you, but if we run into each other in the MARTA station, don't be afraid to say hi, okay?

UPDATE: Found him! After a more fruitful than usual Google trolling, I've managed to confirm that he's now a grad student at Georgia Tech. Crazy!