Somewhere Over the Rainbow

...is where I would like to be going at about this point. Or Los Angeles. Or Texas. Or New York, or Tokyo. Or heck, even the frozen wastelands of Anchorage or Minneapolis.

It's been a rough couple of days. Work has sucked both in quantity and quality. There has been family drama, and I'm ever more convinced that the way out of being perpetually angry with my family is to move far, far away. I haven't seen enough of Caetlin, and she manages to stab me in the heart with a butter knife every morning when she cries after me, that she wants to go with me. She's also been working on her manipulation, and just today she broke out the trusty, "Why Mommy left?" with the pooched out lower lip and pitiful voice. That's lemon and salt in the butter-knife wound, let me tell you, even when I know she's not serious.

The Animals had it right, I think. We've got to get out of this place/if it's the last thing we ever do/We've got to get out of this place/Girl there's a better life for me and you. I know it's a protest song, but work with me here.

I have to post the obligatory disclaimer: my problems are peanuts compared to everyone else's. We're both employed at a good salary, and look to continue being so employed for the time being. We have our health, and can afford good child care for our healthy daughter. We don't have to worry about transportation or housing or insurance or food or clothing. We've got those basics covered.

In a way, that's almost the problem. My problems will never be serious, because in the grand scheme of things, we have so many other things going our way. It's tough to be a working mom with a small child and another on the way, but it would be tougher if I had to work for minimum wage, so what am I complaining about? It's challenging and exhausting raising a toddler, but it's not like we have to worry about or try to parent a drug-addicted teenager or severely disabled child, so what's my problem? I work long hours, but at least I have a very small commute, so suck it up! I have just as much need to cram my whole life into those two weekend days each week as everyone else, but because we can afford to have someone come in and clean the toilets twice a month and because we have advanced our nanny ridiculous sums of money that she's working off by babysitting at every opportunity, I need to shut up. So many others have it so much harder.

Yes, they do. No doubt about it. But I really resent the "Poor little rich girl" mentality. Money can't buy community. Money can't buy supportive, helpful friends and family. Money can't buy respectful colleagues. And money can't buy time.

You know what else I resent? Having any of this discontent blamed on my pregnancy. I hated this place long before I was pregnant. I'll probably continue hating it long after Segunda is born. I've been lonely, and alienated, and disappointed in the way the great ATL experiment has worked out, for much longer than the 29 weeks I've been gestating.

I don't know if I have a point here. I can say that we remain frantic in our desire and search for getting out of here. The market seems to be keeping us here for the time being, however. Can I bring a false imprisonment charge against the economy? Because I am surely being held here against my will.