No Rest for the...Sick

So, my optimism about getting more rest in the hospital was sorely misplaced. I went to sleep at about midnight and threw in the towel on getting any rest at all at about 5 a.m. During that 5 hours, I was awakened no fewer than three times. And this is not just a tech creeping in to take vitals; that I understand and can mostly sleep through anyway.

No, at 1 a.m., someone came in, flipped on the lights and asked me why I was here. I was so groggy and disoriented that I didn't remember where I was, much less why. I struggled to wake up enough to answer her, then spent ten minutes giving a medical history. She was doing the admission questionnaire! I wonder if that could have been done sooner than 1 a.m., given that I had been admitted sometime around 7 p.m.? Or, I wonder if someone might have used some common sense, and said to themselves, "It's 1 a.m. Most people are asleep at this time. Maybe this ought to wait until something approximating normal waking hours, since no one has died because we don't have this information." The tech was quite nice about it, and was apologetic about waking me up, and I wanted to say to her, "What do you expect? I'm sick, I'm in pain, and it's 1 freaking a.m.!!"

I got back to sleep after that, and then was awakened by the tech at 3:30, who was coming in to take vitals. Easy, right? No, the nice lady wanted to know if I wanted a shower or sponge bath and clean linens. "Maybe not...right...now..?" I said, squinting (yes, she had also turned on the lights). Oh, no, she explained, maybe around like 5:30? Still too early for my taste, but more reasonable. And I get that she was trying to map out the rest of her day, but isn't there any consideration of the patient's needs? Doesn't it seem like maybe my need for sleep, you know, the sick one, might trump her need to map out the rest of her shift? Because really, I appreciated her attentions, but I had plenty of time after shift change to take a shower. She was also super apologetic about waking me up. Why apologize? I mean, really.

Finally, at 10 minutes to 5, my nurse came in, flipped on the lights, and started yammering at me about a piece of paper I needed to fill out "just in case I was going to have surgery later." It was a pre-anesthesia questionnaire, that ended up not being collected by anyone until after shift change. Maybe it could have waited? Especially since it wasn't clear whether I would have surgery today anyway? And she asked whether I had given a urine sample in the ER. I hadn't; the ER nurse mentioned it once, I couldn't go at the time, she said it could wait, and it was never mentioned again. I figured it had been dropped as a requirement, since no one asked me about it in the intervening 12 hours. But no, it was apparently a "stat" sample, needed immediately. Right. Immediately. Maybe someone should have followed up on that particular loose end sometime in the 7 hours I was awake, between the ER and being admitted? Maybe given that no one had, and no one was apparently looking for it, it could have waited?

I had had trouble going back to sleep after the 3:30 wakeup, despite my exhaustion, because my breasts were becoming uncomfortably engorged and were leaking everywhere. I still could have slept through it, in a wet gown and wet sheets with painful breasts, if I could have, you know, slept. When I was awakened at 5, I threw in the towel. My boobs hurt, they were leaking all over the place, the tech was coming in half an hour anyway, might as well stay up. The tech was surprised to see me awake when she came in. I thought that was funny.

I've been awake ever since, with the exception of a few short catnaps. Inevitably I go long stretches during which I am told to prepare for some test or that the doctor will be coming in, and so I don't sleep. When I finally do sleep, they come for me 10 minutes later. I get far better sleep with my newborn, I have to say.

What infuriates me most is that there is zero consideration for patient care there. Other than the vitals, none of what I was awakened for needed to be done then. I could have probably forgiven the urine sample if I hadn't been awakened for so much other nonsense so many times before. I'm sick, I hurt, and I'm tired. Maybe better patient care might suggest that personnel think about whether something is truly necessary before waking someone up? And I'm generous- tie up these kinds of loose ends by midnight, then let me sleep until after shift change. I realize these folks have a job to do, but it really feels like no one stops to think whether these decisions are the best for the patient. More like, this is something that needs to be done; must do it now. Maybe night shift workers really lose a sense that normal people are asleep in the small hours of the morning, but if so, someone really needs to remind them.

Anyway, the update on my health: they still don't know what's wrong with me. I had a CT scan this morning that apparently did not show anything out of the ordinary. Confronted with two normal gallbladder images, I guess the doctor had to move on to a different part of the GI system, and has ordered an upper GI, a test that involves me drinking barium contrast and having X-rays of it taken while it's on the way down. I'm not having surgery today; they don't know what to operate on. I'm still in a good bit of pain, and they are just working to figure out what it might be.

It's unclear how long I will be here, and each day they give me more things that are incompatible with breastfeeding. I've dumped something in the neighborhood of 25 ounces of milk just this morning. That's like a two day supply for Phoebe, wasted. I cry every time I empty the bottles, and I hate pumping so much that I am really afraid I will flag in my determination to get through this period. I'm already putting off pumping because I hate it. It's hard to make myself do it when I'm already feeling so cruddy.

I miss my girls- Phoebe is here with me but it hurts to hold her, and I haven't seen Caetlin in almost a whole day by now. I'm hungry- I haven't had anything solid to eat since 11 p.m. on Wednesday. It's rumored I'll be back on clear liquids after the upper GI. I'll take anything at this point. Jell-o and Italian ice can approximate something solid, anyway.

More updates as news comes in.