I'm Old

I have to say that, last night, for the very first time in my adult life, I did not want to go out for a party. Even last year, with a four-month old, I wanted to party with my good friends (that was unfortunately the Evening of Vomit for my husband, who developed a stomach flu during the festivities; we left early that night and got home in time to watch the ball drop in NY on TV).

Not last night. I was asleep by 10:45 central time last night. I couldn't even stay awake until midnight on the east coast. Part of it was that I wasn't sure how long Caetlin would stay asleep this morning (turns out I had the rare experience of waking up well before she did). Part of it was I was exhausted still from the drive, and the first day here, in which Caetlin barely napped. Part of it was the time change, to which I'm having a little trouble adjusting (isn't that odd? I seem to be able to deal with a three hour change better than a one hour change, for some reason).

In the 12 New Year's Eves I have lived through since becoming an adult (we'll say since the age of 19, since I was in high school and living at home the year I was 18), I have always wanted to go out and PARTAY on New Year's Eve. And somehow there have only been a handful that lived up to my desires and expectations- mostly, I'm with people who don't feel like going out, don't want to deal with the crowds or the hassle. A very few times I've actually gone out, had a blast, kissed strangers at midnight, gotten tipsy and/or drunk. But the fact remains that every year I still want to go out.

Until this year.

I think I'm officially old. I think I officially prize sleep over fun (what? Sleep is fun!). I officially allow my responsibilities to dictate my going-out, or not, rather than the other way around. It's not that I think not going out makes me old; after all, as I noted, rarely did I actually go out. It's the fact that I didn't even want to go out. I'm more worried about having to get up early than the fun I would miss by staying in (which, see again re: sleep is fun).

I'm old. Officially grown up.

I have an idea that being on the other side of the generation gap isn't just failing to comprehend the culture, etc., of the other generation, but is when you're happy about it. For example, I think much of today's popular hip-hop is kind of crappy and I'm pretty happy that it's not music I have to listen to in order to be cool among my peers. (It's not that there isn't pop music that I stay up with; I like most of new alternative and rock music that comes out, but most hip-hop leaves me cold.) So, not only do I not listen to the music of the young kids, but I'm actually glad about that. I'll be the first to admit that I'm happy that I don't text or IM as a regular mode of communication. I like punctuation, proper grammar and the Y-O part of the word "you" too much. I always feel like an old fart when I fret about what kids today are or aren't learning about proper written English, but fret I do, much more than I worry about being an old fart.

I'm old. Officially. I didn't think this day would come, but maybe I'll draw less ridicule from the kids if I just admit it, rather than trying to be "hip" and "cool." Just give me my walker now.